


Forbidden

by fourlegsgood



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotionally Constipated Rey, F/M, Finally Some Smut, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Older Rey, Older Woman/Younger Man, Rey is Han's girlfriend, Slow Build, Soft Ben Solo, ben is smitten, extremely soft, younger Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25449022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourlegsgood/pseuds/fourlegsgood
Summary: You know what they say about forbidden fruit;It's usually the sweetest of the bunch.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 64
Kudos: 208





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is completely written, and all chapters should be uploaded within a week. Hope you enjoy!

“Just take a seat on the couch, sweetheart. I need to make a phone call real quick and then we can leave,” Han told her with a grin, kissing her temple as he left her alone in the living room. The house was furnished beautifully, leaving Rey to wonder if it all had been his late wife’s doing. Han didn’t seem the type for interior decorating.

A table full of photos on the opposite end of the room caught her attention. She cautiously peered around before scooting off the couch to further inspect. Rey knew of Han’s son, Ben, but seeing him in pictures was a different ballpark. Rey was younger than Han, almost by two decades. The twenty-nine year old had never considered having kids herself, but it made sense that a man of his age would have one. Ben had just turned eighteen, if she remembered correctly. A senior in high school and a pain in the ass, Han had told her. She could tell he meant it affectionately, but he had told her that their relationship had been strained since his wife passed away when Ben was eleven.

Rey pitied her partner, only imagining how difficult it must have been to raise a teenage boy on his own.

The picture she was looking at had Han and Ben on a boat, Ben gruffly holding a fish up for the picture. It looked like it had been years ago and Rey wondered how he managed to talk his son into it. Rey smiled, her thumb running along both of their faces. Even if they didn’t get along, it looked like they still were able to make good memories together.

“Who the hell are you?” A deep voice spoke from behind her, making her nearly jump out of her skin. She clutched her chest when she realized it was only Ben.

“Oh! Hi, you must be Ben.” Han had understandably been waiting for her to meet his son until he thought it was the right time, but evidently, he hadn’t expected for them to have a run in when he wasn’t even present. Rey felt a little uneasy but stuck her hand out anyway. “I’m Rey.”

Ben’s eyes languidly traced her body, and Rey felt chills of surprise. No one should be looking at her like that except Han, and especially not his teenage son. Satisfied with what he saw, Ben lifted his own hand and embraced hers. “Rey,” he tested the name on his tongue. “Are you who’s been keeping my father so busy?”

Rey coughed at his impudence. Clearly, her and Han hadn’t been keeping as much of a low profile as she had hoped. “Uh-“ she began, only for Han to come in by the grace of god.

“Ben!” Han announced, walking into the room and wrapping his arm around Rey’s waist. “I see you’ve met Rey.”

Ben nodded, not taking his eyes off of her. “She’s out of your league, old man.”

Rey blushed, but Han only gripped her tighter as he laughed heartily. “And don’t I know it. Listen, Ben, we were just on our way out to dinner, but since you’re home, we’d love for you to join us.”

It annoyed her slightly when he did that. Talked for her, instead of with her. He usually knew what she was going to say anyway, but it would be nice to have the ability to articulate herself without him stepping in and taking over.

“Rey, is that alright with you?” Ben asked kindly, and Rey was immediately thankful for the extremely tall boy.

“Yes, of course,” she smiled, brushing her shoulder length hair behind her ear. “It’d be nice to get to know you.”

Nodding, the giant before her smiled and got the restaurant information, claiming that he would meet them there after getting ready. When he left the room, Rey turned to Han, who immediately kissed her square on the mouth. She pulled back, laughing. “What was that for?”

“For being so damn wonderful that even my despondent kid likes you.” He kissed her again, and Rey returned it before shoving him back tenderly.

“I would hardly say we talked enough for him to like me, but I’m excited to talk to him more at dinner.” She grabbed his hand, walking with him towards the door. “Business call go okay?”

He nodded, squeezing her hand before stepping through the door and leading her back to his car.

\---

The restaurant Han chose was definitely lower class. That was one thing Rey really enjoyed about being with him. Despite him having more money than she knew what to do with, he still took her to dive bars that sold what he would claim are the “best tacos on the East side of Coruscant.”

They sat in the booth together for only a minute before Han got another call, apologizing with a kiss before stepping away to take it in the direction of the restrooms. She was used to it. What kind of girlfriend would she be if she got upset with him for dealing with work?

A few minutes later, Rey felt someone tap on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw a man who looked around Han’s age holding two beers. “Hey, I’m Tony.”

“Rey,” she said prudently. Tony smiled, sitting before her in the booth, to which Rey immediately spoke up. “I’m here with my boyfriend.” She grimaced at the wink he gave her, pushing the second beer in her direction. “I’m not joking. He just stepped away for a call.”

Ignoring her, Tony only leaned forward, eyes roaming over her. It felt like slugs sliding around on her skin. “Tell me something about you.”

“I’m not interested.”

He laughed, licking his lips. “Have one beer with me,” he insisted, reaching for her hand.

Rey scoffed, pulling back. “Are you deaf? I said I’m _not interested_.”

Tony’s face warped in a millisecond, suddenly much more pissed off than he had been moments ago. “Don’t be a fucking bitch, _Rey._ ”

Her eyes shot open, enraged at his boldness and apparent lack of common sense. “Excuse me? Who the hell do you think you are?”

The man didn’t like that. He looked as if he was about to jump across the table at any point, but tried to mask it with an air of calm. “What the fuck is wrong with you females? I bought you a drink, I-“

“Get the fuck up, asshole.”

Rey’s gaze shot to Ben, who was now standing beside Tony, glaring down at him like he embodied the rage Rey felt. “Ben,” Rey tried, resting her hand on his arm. He turned to her, his expression milder than before, and lightly lifted her hand and placed it back on the table.

“No, he can’t just talk to you like that.” Turning his rage back to the asshole before her, Rey jumped as his fist slammed down on the table. “Did I stutter? Get your shit and leave.”

The man looked between the two of them, slowly scooting out of the booth. “Your boyfriend’s a child? Jesus Christ, girl.” He was shaking his head when Ben grabbed the front of his shirt, holding Tony’s neck against his unnaturally muscular forearm.

“Shut your mouth and leave. You’re lucky I’m not kicking your ass for the sexist crap you just tried to spew.”

Tony looked properly scared, glancing once more between the two of them before scurrying off. Rey gaped at Ben, who was now picking up the two beers Tony had brought. She watched as he sat them on the bar, then sauntered back and sat across from her.

“Thank you, Ben, but I was handling that.”

When he looked up at her, his face was a perfectly innocent smile. “I know, I just didn’t appreciate him speaking to you like that.”

Rey felt herself grinning back at him. He was a sweet kid. “Well in that case, thank you. No but’s.”

\---

The next time she saw Ben, she wished she could erase the memory. Han had invited her over for a movie night, but apparently he had neglected to tell Ben since whenever she walked into the living room, she was met with a bare ass moving up and down on top of what she could only assume was another young girl. The blonde curly hair bounced with each movement.

Rey gasped, covering her eyes and shouting a quick, “sorry!” She ran into the kitchen, eyes wide as she contemplated what the hell just happened. It was like the image was burned into her retina. In the distance, she heard slight murmuring and a door shutting. She hoped they had both left, but knew she wasn’t so lucky when there was a soft patter of footsteps coming up behind her.

“I didn’t see anything,” she lied.

Ben chuckle flitted through the air, and Rey knew that he knew she was lying. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Rey shrugged, trying to act blasé as she turned. “Oh,” she whispered. He was much closer than she had originally understood with only a low-slung pair of jeans on. “No worries,” she tried, her voice catching. She struggled to discretely clear her throat, trying it another time before she finally got it right. “This is your house, no need to apologize.”

Ben seemed to accept that, walking around her to pull out a bowl and cereal from the pantry. Before he opened the fridge door for milk, he spoke to her over his shoulder. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Your dad invited me over for a movie night. I wasn’t doing anything, so he told me to come over early to wait for him.” Rey was leaning against the counter, watching him pour his milk. When he was finished, he grabbed a spoon from a drawer. Rey tried to commit its placement to memory for the future. After, he easily lifted himself onto the countertop behind him, eating his cereal as he watched her.

“Do you work?”

Ah, the third degree from her boyfriends son? Perhaps trying to figure out if she was good enough for his dad? Rey felt a warmth in her stomach, knowing he really did care for his dad if he was doing that. “I do. I work at a tech company downtown as a Project Manager.”

He raised his eyebrows, impressed. “Are you happy there?”

Rey felt confused at his question, but answered, nonetheless. “I suppose. Some of the people I work with aren’t exactly friendly, but no one ever said your coworkers had to be kind.” Ben laughed a tad at that, his stomach tightening at the motion. Rey looked away. “I better figure out what movie to watch tonight,” she finally said, standing up straight and leaving the room with a little wave, only for her phone to go off in her pocket.

“Hello?”

“Rey, sweetheart,” Han’s voice filled her ear, and Rey knew immediately that he wasn’t on his way home. “Bad news,” she looked over her shoulder, and Ben caught her expression with ease, sliding off of the counter to stand beside her. “I got caught up at work, and I won’t be home for at least another few hours.”

Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply before exhaling, a small meditation she used to calm herself. “I understand. I’ll go ahead and head back home.”

“You’re at the house? Is Ben there?”

Rey blushed, remembering the compromising position she had found Ben in when she arrived. The younger man smirked, looking away briefly as if he too was thinking of it. “He is.”

“Perfect! Maybe you guys can use this time to get closer? Ben likes movies too, you know. I’d bet you guys would be able to talk about all kinds of stuff an old man like me wouldn’t understand.”

If he had been there, Rey would have admonished him for insulting his age. “Shut up, Han. You’re not even fifty.”

He laughed over the phone, his voice slowly ceasing until there was quiet between them. “I’m sorry, Rey. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just finish your work. Goodnight,” she said fondly.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

Rey hit the end button, looking up at Ben who was watching her from against the wall. It was strange being so much smaller than a man who was quite a bit younger than her. Made her feel like the power dynamic was slightly off.

“Your dad isn’t coming home.”

He nodded. “I figured.”

She felt her face fall, but just lifted her shoulders and let them drop. “I guess I’m glad I didn’t pick a movie already.”

He looked to be considering his words before he spoke, putting his hands behind his back as he gazed at the high ceilings. “We could watch something?”

Rey beamed up at the boy, knowing he didn’t really want to watch a movie with her. Such a sweet kid. “Don’t worry about it, Ben. I’m sure you have more important things to do on a Friday night.” She knew he didn’t have any trouble with girls, at least.

“Don’t do that, please,” he said, and Rey didn’t understand. “Say ‘don’t worry about it’. I can tell you’re hurt, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset, Rey.”

He was still shirtless, standing before her like some angelic Adonis figure, sent to her to keep her from losing her mind in this relationship where she fell second to Han’s work. “I am hurt. But I would never ask your dad to choose me over work; that’s not healthy.”

“I don’t understand how he can’t see what it’s doing to you,” his voice came out softly, and Rey clenched her eyes tightly at the wetness building. She would not be clingy. She would not ruin this.

“You said something about watching a movie?” Rey forced a grin on her face. “How do you feel about sci-fi?”

She could tell that he didn’t really want to allow her to skim over her feelings, but she was ever thankful when he just smiled back and told her that he loved sci-fi.

They wound up watching Alien and Predator back to back, and by the time Arnold had said his iconic line, she was out like a light.

When she awoke, she felt warmth surrounding her, and didn’t think before snuggling in further. Whatever held her tight made her feel protected and, in that moment, she wasn’t willing to sacrifice it.

An undeterminable amount of time later, her eyes drifted open, revealing a dark credit screen. Realization dawned on her, and she twisted her neck to see Ben, who was also asleep beside her on the couch. If anyone could see them, Rey was sure it’d look like a lover’s embrace. He had one hand wrapped around her waist and the other in her hair like he had been brushing his fingers through it. Even her and Han hadn’t slept like this.

She jumped up, Ben sucking in a deep breath as he was shaken awake from her movement. “You okay?”

That was…Inappropriate. This was her boyfriend’s son, who was still a teenager. There is no reason why she should have been wrapped up in him like that. “God, Rey, get it together!” She whispered frantically, running her hands through her hair as she sat on the coffee table.

Ben sat up with concern, the blanket that had been cocooning him slipping away as he rested his hands on either side of her on the glass. “What’s going on? What are you thinking?”

Her eyes drifted over him, briefly confused as to why he was so broad and strong looking, before mentally chastising herself. “That you need to put a shirt on. Now.” She pushed at his chest, trying to get him to stand up.

Ben chuckled at her antics, standing and watching the tiny woman before him. “That wasn’t a problem before.”

Slapping his arm, Rey glared cutely up at him. It was like staring up a skyscraper. “Well, now it is.”

He lifted his hand, rubbing the top of her head, laughing when she rolled her eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Somehow, luck was on her side tonight since not a minute after the shirtless Ben left the room, the front door opened. Rey stood, hoping her face didn’t look too flushed as she saw Han walk into the room.

“Rey, sweetheart, you’re still here?” Han smiled, coming toward her to bring her into his arms and kiss her deeply. When he pulled back, he was still smiling. “What have you been up to?”

“Ben and I watched a few movies,” she said, nonchalantly. No need to mention the part about his son holding her while she slept, or the part where he was shirtless.

Han concurred, his eyes moving past her. “Hey, Ben. Thanks for keeping her company.”

Rey looked at Ben over her shoulder, noticing the way his eyes strained on Han and her embrace. She was imagining that, wasn’t she? “Really, she was keeping me company. I was planning on having someone over, but something more important came up and it didn’t work out.”

Rey felt her face burn, knowing that she had been the one to ruin that. Han squeezed her one last time before releasing her, moving over to the couch to pick up the blanket they had used and placed it in the basket of blankets. For some reason, Rey felt ashamed that he was touching the very blanket that had just been draped over her and Ben. Like she had cheated on him and that was the condom or something. “Just try to keep it to your room, okay? Rey has a key to the house and the last thing I want her to see is you and some girl getting it on in the kitchen or something,” Han chuckled, nudging Rey’s shoulder.

She watched Ben’s expression, wondering if he thought she was going to rat him out. She wouldn’t. He had been so kind to her. “The way I see it, this is his home, I’m the one that should be cautious.”

The sides of Ben’s mouth quirked up at her admission, and Han scoffed jokingly. “I’ve got no one on my side, do I? Jeez, you too can’t band together and gang up on me, it’s not fair.” He turned to Rey then, his hand slipping on the back of her neck. “Are you staying the night?”

She didn’t mean to look at Ben, but it happened anyway, and she saw the rush of emotion on his face. He clearly did not want her to stay the night. Maybe that was too far for him? She didn’t want to intrude. “I think I’ll head home, but thank you.” Leaning on her tip toes, she kissed him lightly before backing off. “Thank you for tonight, Ben. I’m glad I found a kindred spirit in sci-fi horror movies.”

He didn’t respond, only watching as his father took her hand and led her to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is possibly my proudest work on here, and I got so excited that I decided to post another chapter in the same day. I hope you all enjoy.

Six months into Rey and Han’s relationship, Rey could confidently say that she and Ben had grown close. They often chatted over dinner when Han worked late or she’d come over to watch movies, talking over them as they discussed what they liked and didn’t like. Rey had taken to sitting in the chair instead of with him on the couch, however. Didn’t need a repeat of last time.

Only a few weeks had passed after she had met him that he gave her his number, asking if she could message him whenever she was coming over so that he could make sure he didn’t have company. Of course, Rey obliged, just happy that he had taken a liking to her. The way Han had talked about him during the early parts of their relationship, she had feared he would despise her.

So it wasn’t exactly odd whenever she got a message from him one night, but concern clouded her brain when she realized it was almost 1am. Checking the message, she saw that he had sent something nearly incoherent. \he sat up and called the number immediately, thankful when he answered on the second ring.

“Rey.”

She sighed in relief. “Ben, are you okay? It’s late and you’re sending weird messages.”

“I just missed you.” Rey cringed, not allowing herself to acknowledge the slight pinch in her heart. “I’m also drunk.”

This caught her attention. “Drunk? Where are you right now?”

“Sandoval Beach,” he said easily, then started talking to someone beside him, sloppily muffling the phone. When he was done, he spoke to her again. “I think I’m ready to go home.”

“Oh no, you’re not driving home. I’m calling Han.”

“No!” Ben said quickly, stopping her fingers from hanging up to call Han. “Please, don’t call him Rey. Not him.”

Figuring he didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment of his dad picking him up, Rey sighed. “Fine. Send me your location and I’ll come.” At least it was a Saturday and she didn’t work tomorrow.

“Really?” He sounded like he didn’t believe she would do that for him. Did he really have so little people in his life that would do something nice for him? Perhaps he and Rey were more alike than she had realized.

“Of course, Ben,” she stated gently. “I’ll be there in ten minutes or so. Wait for me.”

She could have sworn she heard something along the lines of ‘always’, but she assumed he was talking to one of his friends.

When she got to the beach, Rey groaned at the sight of teenagers all around. She couldn’t see Ben, so she knew she was going to have to go out there and get him. Looking down at her shorts and big t-shirt, Rey rubbed her hands down her face before taking her keys out of the ignition and popping them into her pocket. She tried to call his number, but he didn’t answer. Real convenient, if you ask her.

She had been told all of her life how young she looked, even still got ID’d at bars. Yet, she figured that in that moment, she probably looked like someone’s mom coming to pick them up. Not that she was Ben’s mom. Rey scrunched her nose up at the thought.

When she found him, her feet stilled in the sand. There was a girl in his lap, and while she almost turned around and went home, she could see the annoyance in his face as well as the disorientation of being drunk. The girl tried to kiss him, and Ben shook his head glaring at her.

A little pissed off at the girl trying to take advantage of him, Rey stomped towards them. “Come on, Ben,” she said aggressively, immediately garnering his attention.

His eyes lit up and Rey’s icy exterior melted a little bit. That was until the girl in his lap looked at her in disgust, not moving. “Who the hell are you?”

Ben was the one to respond, however. He quickly moved the girl off of him, still polite in his motions, but firm. “That’s Rey. How can anyone not know Rey?” He sounded disgusted that this random teen didn’t know his fathers almost thirty year old girlfriend; it made her laugh. At the noise, Ben look back at her, smiling brightly. “Hi Rey.”

She couldn’t even pretend to be mad at him, he was too cute. “Hi Ben.”

He tried to stand, but Rey ran forward to catch him as he started to head toward the sand. Instead, they both hit the sand with their knees, and Rey tittered incredulously at the daunting task before her. “Ben, I need you to try a bit harder. You’re twice my size, I can’t carry you alone.”

Ben nodded. “Okay,” he said, swooping down and pulling Rey up into his arms. She nearly elbowed his nose as she was thrown into a bridal carry. Ignoring the stares she got for doing so, Rey cried out in disapproval. “Ben, put me down!”

“You can’t carry me, but I can carry you,” he said thoughtfully, heading toward the parked cars. “Where are you?”

God, how was he this drunk and carrying her? “I’m right here, Ben.”

Snorting, his chest shook beneath her. “I mean your car.”

“Oh,” she said quietly. “Over there.” Ben followed where she pointed, spotting her car. They were almost there when someone stepped in their path, not anyone she recognized.

“Where you headed off to, Ben?” a dark haired man asked, probably around Ben’s age.

Walking past the other man with Rey still in his arms, he didn’t bother to look back as he answered, “home!”

Resigned to her fate, Rey allowed Ben to carry her out of fear of him dropping her if she struggled. When they got to her car, he sat her down by the driver’s door, instantly reaching behind her to hold himself up. Rey let her eyes wander up the veins and muscles of his limb before turning slightly. “Can you make it to the passenger side?”

“Why are you with Han?”

So much for getting him in the car. The wind knocked right out of her sails; Rey collapsed against the door. “Because I care about him. You know that.”

His head slowly lowered until his forehead was pressed against her shoulder, breath cascading across the skin of her neck. “Do you care about me?”

Unsure of where he was going with this line of questioning, Rey nodded. “Of course I do, Ben.”

The hand not leaned against the door fell upon her cheek, and Rey felt Ben turn his head into her. Chills spread throughout her entire body. “Then I don’t know why you are with him, Rey. I know you’re not happy.” He nuzzled further into her, making Rey freeze. “I could make you happy.”

She didn’t doubt that he believed that, but Rey wasn’t sure that being happy was in the cards for her.

“Ben, let me take you home, okay? You’re not even going to remember this tomorrow.”

“Maybe not,” he agreed. “But I think about it often. All the time, even.”

His confession rocked her. She had no idea he felt that way about her and was incredibly conflicted on how to handle it. On one hand, she wanted to tell Han so that he could deal with it. If she did that, she wouldn’t feel as if she was betraying him. Yet, she knew that if she told him, Ben would never speak to her again. He trusted her, they had become close friends, and if she ratted him out, she would lose him. After consideration, only one path forward made sense.

Rey lifted her hands, squishing his cheeks in as she began to speak. “I’m going to take you home, okay? You’re going to go in and take a Tylenol and drink a glass of water, and then go to sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll pretend this conversation never happened, and we will continue like we have been.”

“But Rey-“

Shaking her head, she squished his cheeks further, feeling honored at the sight she got to behold. Big tough Ben letting her do this? Maybe there was one part of this night she would remember.

“Okay,” he finally said, defeated. Rey smiled sadly at the expression he had but knew this had to be done. It was the only way for everything to stay how it was. Whether everyone was happy with the current scenario was irrelevant.

When she awoke the next morning at 10am, she saw a text from Ben.

_“I’m assuming you brought me home? Thanks”_

Rey smiled. It seemed as if he really had forgotten the night before.

_“What are dad’s cool girlfriends for?”_

He did not respond after that, but Rey didn’t think much of it. He was probably just busy.

\---

Rey and Han had been together almost nine months before he asked her to move in with him and Ben. Rey was hesitant at first, unsure of whether or not it was a good idea to give up her apartment on so little assurance, but the thought of living with both her boyfriend and his son, who was a close friend of hers, made her mind for her. They both cared about her and would look out for her. She could trust them.

So, she moved in.

Strangely, as she settled in, Rey started seeing Ben less and less. She had figured that he would be happy she was there often, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. His texts became less frequent, and they no longer watched movies or ate dinner together when Han stayed at work late.

She caught him in the kitchen one afternoon, half inside the fridge.

“Hey,” she spoke softly.

Ben closed the door, looking at her from over his shoulder. “Hey.”

That was it? They hadn’t talked in weeks and he was just giving her the cold shoulder?

“Your dad won’t be home until later and they just uploaded Terminator 2: Judgment Day to Netflix.” Placing a hand on the counter, she looked down at her feet nervously before looking back to him. “Want to watch it?”

Ben finished making his food, putting the left over items back in the fridge. “Can’t, sorry. I have plans.”

Rey’s stomach twisted in a knot. “That’s cool. What are you up to?”

He hesitated, and Rey realized that he hadn’t expected her to ask him that. “Homework at a friends. I’ll be back late.” Grabbing his food, he walked past her, leaving Rey hurt and bewildered as to why he was treating her like this now.

Perhaps this was her own fault. Why had she gotten close with an eighteen year old anyway?

\---

He continued to avoid her, and eventually Rey’s hurt turned to anger. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she had done nothing wrong. Ben was the one treating her like shit now, and she wanted to know what the hell was going on.

One rare occasion, a few weeks after living there, she came home from work and saw Ben closing his bedroom door. Fed up with his disappearing act, she followed him and knocked on the door. Ben opened it wearily, barely meeting her gaze.

“What’s going on, Ben? Seriously? You’ve been avoiding me like I have chicken pox or something.” She huffed out her chest, her hands on her hips. She meant business.

Ben tried not to smile, but he couldn’t help it. She was adorable. “I haven’t been avoiding you, Rey.”

Rolling her eyes, she frowned. “I saw you more when I didn’t live here, Ben. That means you’re avoiding me.”

“Not _you_ ,” he clarified.

Well what the hell did that mean?

“What does that mean?” She wondered aloud.

Ben’s deep red t-shirt shifted across his chest, and Rey swallowed, not looking. Not on purpose, at least. “You wanted to pretend, Rey. So, I’m pretending. But I’m not a great actor, and it’s difficult when we’re in the same house.” His large hand lifted, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Pretend?” She asked, but her answer was given to her by her own brain shortly after. He liked her. She had wanted to pretend he hadn’t told her. So he hadn’t forgotten that night. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” he said, watching her carefully. She was so small; he could easily just pick her up and toss her on his bed and have his way with her. It would be a simple task, and he had no doubt he was better than his old man. The very thought of his father sleeping with Rey made Ben’s chest tighten.

“I can’t give you the answer you want to hear, Ben.” Rey looked down. “I’m sorry.”

Ben’s hand lifted to her face, catching her stare. “Can’t or won’t, Rey?”

A sound of distress broke through her throat. “Won’t- err can’t! I’m not a cheater!”

He was all smiles. “Is that the only reason?”

She shook him off, not wanting to be caught up in whatever game he was playing. “Don’t do this, Ben. Don’t waste your time on me like this. You should find a girl your own age.”

That pissed him off. She didn’t get to make that decision for him. “I don’t want a girl my age, idiot. I want you.” He moved forward, caging her against the wall across from him room. “Besides, are you really one to preach about age gaps?”

He had a point there; she’d give him that. And she’d never tell him, but her body was hot and she knew she was probably soaked. He was a handsome guy, and Rey knew firsthand how great he was. “Maybe if the circumstances were different…” She scrunched hey eyebrows, trying to think of what to say.

Ben watched her face attentively. “Fuck. Why are you so god damn cute?” He asked, his voice lower than she remembered. Ben’s eyes scanned her face, watching as she licked her bottom lip. He wanted to take it into his mouth. Make her whimper beneath him. He could make her toes curl if given the opportunity, he was sure of it.

“Ben,” Rey warned, still looking up at where he hovered above her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding her face softly. “Just once.” Rey didn’t quite understand until he leaned down to her level, his lips meeting hers fervently, making Rey gasp. Ben deliberately let his tongue slip into her open mouth, gauging her reaction. At first, Rey just stood there, but when he pulled back and bit her lip, she flung her arms around him, amused by the way he stumbled back against his bedroom door.

Just once, Rey. One time, then it was done.

Consumed and overwhelmed by the sheer pleasure kissing him gave her, she moaned into his mouth. It was as if something snapped within him. His grip grew tight, slowly sliding down as he devoured her until his large hand had nearly encased her ass. Squeezing, Rey jumped at the motion. He smiled, turning them around and pressing her against the door while lifting her until her legs wrapped behind him.

“Rey,” Ben groaned, lowering his mouth to her neck, taking little nips at her while concentrating on what seemed to make her feel good. “You’re so beautiful.”

The back of Rey’s head hit the door with a thump, and she felt him hot and heavy in his jeans rubbing between her thighs. In that moment, nothing else existed. She would let him do anything he wanted to her. He was everything she could want from a guy, even if he was so much younger.

Rey’s eyes shot open.

Even if he was her boyfriend’s son.

Her hands began shoving him off, and like the gentleman he was, Ben softly sat her on the ground before backing off.

“You’re Han’s son, Ben. You’re my boyfriend’s _teenage_ son!” She spun, resting her forehead on his door so as to not look at him. “This is absolutely batshit insane. I’m a terrible person. I have to tell Han. I have to find somewhere to stay!”

Ben moved closer without realizing it, his back inches from her petite figure. His fingers itched to touch her, but he refrained. “No, wait. This isn’t your fault, Rey. I’m the one who did this. I’ll leave, if you think that’s best.”

She shook her head against the door. “I’m older, I’m the one who is supposed to know better.” Facing him, Ben could see she was distraught. “It’s okay, I’ll figure it out. I can’t stay with Han after this.”

Hope bloomed in his chest. She was going to end it with his dad? She’d be single? Another step forward, he immediately knew that she was not on the same page as him.

“We can’t,” she whispered, terrified of the way he was making her feel. He was still a child. She couldn’t let this go any further.

His expression fell, and Rey felt regret, but knew that this was how it had to be. They could never be together in that way and the sooner he realized that, the better.

Ben’s phone then began to ring, and he continued to look at her strongly for only a moment before he yanked the offending object out of his pocket and put it to his ear. “What? Yes, that’s me. What happened?” Rey watched him, several different emotions shading his expression before it eventually clouded over. “I understand. I’ll be there soon.”

“Is everything okay?” Rey asked, despite knowing it was not. Something in her gut told her that whatever he had just heard was on the opposite end of the spectrum from okay.


	3. Chapter 3

He tried to squeeze her hand as they rode together in the car. Ben felt as if he should be more upset, like he should be the one breaking down in the passenger seat instead of Rey. But, he was numb. Ever since his mother died, Ben had learned that his father was not who his mother had allowed him to believe when he was a kid. As a kid, Han was gone often, and his mother, Leia, had made it seem as if he was off saving the world. Like he was doing everything he could to provide for their family and to give Ben a better life.

Growing older without the shield of his mother to protect him from the truth, Ben realized that Han was leaving for weeks at a time because he felt cooped up in a home; wasn’t the type to be domesticated. He didn’t know if he ever cheated on Leia, had been too pissed off to ask the man, but even though he was only eleven years old, he knew what it meant to find Han walking another woman out of the house in the morning not a week after she had died.

Really, Han had never been much of a father to him. He left Ben alone with his god mother, Amilyn, as he went off to “get some space” for almost a year when he was thirteen. He’d shipped Ben off to his uncle Luke’s three summers in a row for all of high school. He barely knew the guy, honestly. Part of him had wanted to tell Rey everything, to let her understand that she was making a huge mistake by being with his old man. But, something always stopped him. If she knew he was bound to leave her high and dry once he got too comfortable, she’d be heartbroken. So, instead he watched with loathing as Han pretended once again to be someone he was not.

Although now he supposed that wouldn’t be happening anymore.

Ben looked to Rey, seeing the glazed-over look in her eyes. They were only three minutes from the hospital when she finally spoke.

“Pull over.”

He slowed the car down to a stop on the side of the road. “Rey?”

She opened the door, getting out before he could say anything else. Ben cursed, unbuckling and jumping out. He heard someone honk at him as he ran around the car, narrowly missing being hit. He didn’t care. He watched as Rey stepped into a field on the side of the highway, falling to her knees. Her back began to shake. Ben fell beside her, pulling her roughly into his chest.

“He’s really gone, isn’t he?” She cried, her fingers clawing into his back.

He sighed then, nodding while encasing her fully in his embrace. “Yes.”

She cried noiselessly after that. Ben rubbed shapes into her back, eventually pulling her into his lap while he sat in the grass. “I’m so sorry, Ben,” she murmured against his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about me,” he told her easily, more worried about her in that moment.

Pulling back, Ben saw the red splotches on her cheeks from crying. “Of course I’m going to worry about you. He was your _dad_ , Ben. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to be dealing with this again.” Nudging her face back against him, she pulled him tighter. “I know it hurts. I’m here for you.”

She was thinking about his mom. About how he was now an orphan.

This entire time, he had thought she was heartbroken about losing Han, but here she was crying for him. For the tragedy that had become his life.

Thinking back, that was the moment he realized he was in love with her.

\---

“His face is badly damaged from the wreck.” The doctor warned them, and Ben’s heart stung from the small painful gasp Rey puffed out.

She was trying to be strong, but all she could think about was how Ben had now lost both parents, and how everyone in her life leaves her. So, when her voice only slightly cracked when she asked, “do you know if anyone else was hurt?”, well, she took that as a small victory.

The doctor seemed to hesitate at the question before turning to Ben. “We should probably discuss this in private.”

Ben noticed Rey’s crestfallen face and doubled down in his resolve. “You can say it in front of her, whatever it is.”

Nodding, the doctor looked to the left before continuing. “A woman was also hurt. She’s in the ICU in critical condition.” The doctor looked to Rey before avoiding her gaze. “She was in the vehicle with him, but she was lucky that the initial impact was on the driver’s side.”

Rey sputtered, not sure she heard him correctly. “A woman?”

Sensing where this was going, Ben tried to comfort Rey by squeezing her hand, but she shook him off. “I’m sure it’s not was you think.” He was lying, of course. It made complete sense to him. Han had never been one to be tied down, and now he understood why he had been able to stay with Rey so long.

Rolling her eyes, Rey scoffed at Ben’s dismissal. “He had told me he was working late, _again._ Instead, he was driving on the opposite side of town with some other woman. I don’t really know what else it could be, Ben.” It definitely hurt to find out he was cheating on her. It made her wonder how long, how often. Was it every time he was running late? When he left on weekends for business meetings? “I guess I can’t be too pissed since-” She stopped talking, taking in the doctor before them, not intending to tell this random man that his patients son and girlfriend made out.

Ben knew what she was hinting at. “That wasn’t your fault,” he told her quickly. He had basically forced her to kiss him. Glancing back to the doctor, he stepped forward. “Can I go see him?”

The doctor nodded. “Follow me, please.”

Rubbing the small of her back briefly, Ben leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Want to go sit in the waiting room? I’ll find you.”

She leaned into him before pulling back and offering him a sad smile. Ben hoped he never put a look like that on her face.

\---

He looked awful. Ben had been planning to come in, identify him, say his goodbyes, then leave, but one glimpse of his dads face and he was thrown back into his eleven year old brain, staring at his mom in a casket. He lifted his hand to touch that of Han’s, but stopped when he saw how much it wobbled. Inhaling until his lungs hurt, he felt his cheeks wet on the exhale.

“You were such a shitty dad,” Ben whispered, taking in the contusions and cuts that covered the skin of his face. “I hated you for so long. In fact, at one point, I probably even wished that this would happen.”

His knees hit the ground and Ben gasped a sob. “I was- I was just a kid, dad. I hated being left alone.” Tunnel vision captured his eyes, making the room feel as if it was spinning. “Now that’s all I’ll ever be. Alone.”

He laid his head down on the metal table that held his father like some sort of science experiment. Lifting his fathers hand and laying it on his head, his cries grew stronger in nature. Han hadn’t patted Ben’s head since he was a young boy, but it had been one of the few good memories he had of his father. If this was going to be the last time he got to see him, he would make sure he got one more good memory.

\---

Ben had barely made it into the waiting room when he was nearly knocked over by a flurry of soft brown hair. He took her fully in his arms, letting her comfortingly run her fingers through his hair as he sat down in a nearby chair. She stood in front of him with his thighs on either side of her own, holding his head to her chest while she cooed softly.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over again.

“I can’t believe he’s gone, Rey.” His words were muffled within her shirt, but she understood. “I don’t have anyone.”

Pulling back, she looked down at him. Ben recognized the determination in her eyes. “That’s not true, Ben. You have me, okay?” She lowered her face, resting her forehead on his own as she closed her eyes. “You have me.”

\---

“Please don’t leave.”

Rey glanced up from where she was packing her things in the room that her and Han had shared. Ben hovered in the doorway, his hands crossed over his chest. “Ben, I… I can’t stay in this room. I’m sorry.” She shoved another item in her bag. “I’m going to find a place nearby or something. I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out.”

He nodded, contemplating. “Take my room.” Rey cocked an eyebrow, and he knew how his words could be misinterpreted. “I’ll move into this room. Please, Rey.”

“This is strange, Ben.”

He walked into the room, sitting on the bed beside where her clothes were sloppily folded. Without thinking, he began picking them up and properly folding them for her. Rey had never been the cleanest, but she did her best. Ben found her clumsy cleaning abilities endearing.

“I know.”

She rubbed her face, groaning at the ceiling. “If I stay, nothing can happen between us. Nothing.” Her eyes lingered on his face, taking in his kind eyes and strong nose. His ears peaked out from beneath his hair, nearly begging for her to touch them. “It’s not right.”

“I understand.”

He was beautiful. Soft dark curls framed his face, shoulders broad and arms as thick as her thigh. She knew this was a bad idea, but how could she tell him no? He would be all alone in this huge house that probably held echoes of his parents in every room. She couldn’t do that to him.

“Okay.”

\---

The kitchen was a disaster. Truly, she had outdone herself this time.

“What the hell happened in here?” Ben’s deep voice inquired, amused as he stepped into her hellscape.

Rey blushed, looking around her. “I was trying to bake a cake.” Picking up messy items and throwing them in the sink, she laugh sardonically. “Emphasis on trying. I wanted to do something for your graduation.”

Before she knew it, his arms were wrapped around her waist. He planted a soft kiss on her temple, not giving her any time to protest before he backed off, helping her pick up items. “You don’t need to do anything for me. You being there is enough,” he smiled at her, interrupting her before she could say anything. “I know, I know.”

“You’re hopeless! It’s like we can’t go one day without you saying something like that.”

“Like what?”

Rey stumbled. “Romantic, sweet, whatever.”

Moving to the sink, he began cleaning her dishes. “I can’t help it. You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

She elbowed his side to keep him from noticing her blush, intentionally shoving a spoon under the running water so that it would splash on him. It went a little higher than intended, a streak wetting his shirt across his chest.

“You little-“

“Oops,” she said sweetly, twisting out of his grasp. When she saw him take a cup and fill it with water, Rey shrieked. “Ben, no! No, no, no!” She took off running when he backed away from the sink armored with his water filled cup. She slid across the floor, doing her best to not trip and die as she took to the stairs, climbing them as quickly as possible. She wasn’t even halfway up when she heard him on the stairs behind her. Damn him and his stupid long legs.

Screaming with fear and delight, she threw open her bedroom door, his old room, and tried to shut and lock it. Before she could get it closed, he swung it open and wasted no time coming inside. “Ben!” She cried out, backing up until she hit the bed, falling back.

He moved towards her with confidence, stalking her like prey. “It’s only fair, Rey.”

“No, Ben, please! Please,” she said softly, scooting further back on the bed.

He stilled before her, one knee on the bed, before climbing slowly toward her. “Fine. You win.”

Unsure, she stopped her movements. “Then why do you still have the cup?”

A slow smile rose on his cheeks, and Rey knew he was trying to trick her. Before she could cry out, he had bounced in front of her, dumping the water all over her head, drenching not only her, but her bed.

“Ben, you little bastard!” She screamed, wiping at the water in her eyes. Ben chuckled, using his own hands to help her. When she opened her eyes, his face was inches from her own, filling her vision. “Or big bastard,” she murmured.

Mischievously, he rubbed his finger along her cheek. “You’re soaked.”

And just like that, she was a horny mess. The only thing stopping her from jumping his bones was the morality of it all. God, she wished she didn’t care.

“Whose fault is that?” She asked instead, to which Ben grinned wider. Wrong word choice.

“Mine,” he whispered, leaning forward. Rey closed her eyes, scared of what he was going to do. If he kissed her again, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to stop him. She’d regret it later, but for now, she was weak. So weak.

Soft lips instead met her forehead, and Rey let out a breath of disappointment.

Disappointment?

She meant relief.

“Come on, tornado. We’ve got a mess to clean up,” he spoke, holding his hand out for her. Rey stared at it before wrapping her hand around his own, basking in the electricity that shot up her arm. Their fingers intertwined, making Rey smile as she followed him back down the stairs. Later while she stripped the bed and hung her sheets and blanket out to dry since they couldn’t be put in a drier, he drew her a bath. Rey fought back the urge to ask him to join her.

When she got out, she found him drying her linens with her little pink blow dryer.

This time, she came up behind him, wrapping her hands around his stomach as she pressed her cheek to his back. His hand fell on hers immediately.

“That’s going to take forever,” she told him.

His chest puffed out, making her arms move with it. “I would have never done that if I had known your stuff was dry clean only. I guess I’ll give you my blanket for tonight and we can deal with this in the morning.”

“What would you use, then?”

His back trembled as her breath penetrated the cotton of his shirt. “I can sleep with just sheets.”

She smiled against him, hoping she wouldn’t regret what she was about to say. “Maybe, you could sleep with me?” When Ben stopped breathing all together, she continued. “Just for tonight.”

Sitting the blow dryer down, he turned in her arms, grinning ear to ear. “I’m tired now. Let’s go to bed.” He then pulled her off towards her room as Rey laughed at his antics, trying to keep up with his brisk pace.

“It’s not even eight!”

\---

They had talked for hours, Ben’s arm slung over her waist as he spooned her from behind. He was the first to fall asleep, his face pressed to the back of her head. Rey ran the pads of her fingers along his arms, engraving the feel of the hair and texture in her brain. When she followed him into sleep, it was to thoughts of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut ahead.

His graduation class was almost nine-hundred students and his last name started with ‘S’. Ben had told her wouldn’t mind if she came halfway through, but she had brushed that off quickly. He didn’t have anyone else there for him, so she’d be active enough in his life to make up for it. She’d show up for a fucking bake sale if he asked, despite her lack of baking skills.

In preparation of the long night, Rey brought her phone and even some snacks with her as she watched student after student go up and collect their diploma.

A message from the graduate himself flashed on her screen.

_“Wish you were down here with all of those snacks. I’m starving.”_

Rey smiled at the message, typing back.

_“Think about what you want for dinner. We’re going out to celebrate.”_

She looked up, seeing that he was watching her. She gave a small wave before he looked back down to his phone.

_“We don’t need to leave for what I want.”_

Ugh, he knew she was a terrible cook. Maybe he wanted to make dinner? But this was for his celebration! She couldn’t let him cook tonight.

_“Too bad. Choose something else.”_

Looking up at him, he laughed at his phone. She smirked, happy that he liked talking to her so much. Ever since Han had passed, her and Ben had seemed to have bonded over their grief. If they had been close before, they were damn near inseparable now.

Though, Rey knew it was likely coming to an end. Han had told her that Ben had been applying to colleges out of state, and since he was number six in his class, she figured he at least got into one of them. She was happy for him! Sad that he was leaving, but more than anything, she just wanted him to enjoy himself.

Focusing on him once more, she saw a girl behind him was leaned forward, whispering into his ear. Rey sat up a little straighter, watching as the small blonde bent back laughing. What caught her attention more was that Ben was laughing with her. The girl looked familiar, and it took a moment for Rey to realize that this was probably the girl Ben had been with when she walked in the living room all of those months ago. Apparently, they were still close.

She didn’t know why it hurt her to see it. She just wanted him to be happy, right? Then why did she want to look away? Why was it so hard to watch the girl play with his hair as she talked to him? Why didn’t he push her hand off of him?

Annoyed, Rey crossed her arms and decided to just watch the graduation. Still, her eyes traveled back to him ever so often, and after a few minutes, she found he was watching her. She looked away and counted to thirty. Not able to make it passed twenty-five without turning back to him, she saw he was holding up his phone, looking at her as he shook it. The blonde behind him followed his eyesight, spinning to look at her as well. Rey bit her cheek, picking up her phone, seeing three missed messages from him.

_“If you insist. Let’s go to the little Italian restaurant you like.”_

_“You have your upset face on. What’s going on?”_

_“Rey.”_

It was so frustrating because it was like she was the child! She always felt as if he was more mature than her, more in control of his emotions. It frustrated her to no end. Well, you know what? She would be calm too. She could do that; could be the well measured one.

_“Nothing, someone walking behind my seat hit me in the head and didn’t apologize.”_ She had to stop herself from saying ‘don’t worry about it’, but knew that if she did, he’d know she was lying.

His response was immediate.

_“Did you get a good look at him? I don’t even care about walking, I can come up there.”_

She shook her head at his antics with a grin on her face. Gazing down at him, he was looking at her, but talking once again with the blonde. Rey’s chest panged.

_“See you after. Congratulations, again.”_

Peeking down as he read her message, he looked as if he still didn’t believe she was okay, but she knew he wouldn’t do anything about it in that moment. That meant she had time to think about an excuse.

Later, when they called his name, she stood and joined the cheers of the crowd (apparently, he was more popular than she knew). Still, she screamed at the top of her lungs as she clapped. She watched as he walked across the stage, stopping after getting his diploma. Rey’s eyebrow lifted when he caught her gaze, smiling up to her as he puckered his lips in her direction, then turned back to where the camera was and smiled.

Rey fell back in her seat, dumbfounded.

That was certainly not the actions of her former boyfriends’ son.

He blew her a fucking kiss! Infront of thousands of people!

Embarrassed, she closed her eyes and covered her face for most of the rest of the graduation. When it was done and his class threw their hats, Rey followed the rest of the family and friends out of the stands into the crowd. She stepped through the halls, making her way outside as she waited for him with bated breath. She still couldn’t believe he had done that, but at the same time, she wasn’t the least bit surprised.

“Rey!”

She spun around, seeing the 6’2” man – boy- lumbering up to her. A smile took over her face when he caught her around the waist, lifting her in the air and swinging her around. “Down boy!” She cried out, laughing. He obliged, sitting her down and opening his mouth to say something when they heard another voice.

“Ben!” A sweet young woman’s voice called out, and Rey looked behind him to see none other than the pretty blonde girl. “You ran off so fast, I couldn’t get a picture with you.”

Ben scratched the back of his neck, looking at Rey longer than necessary before turning back to her. “Kaydel, this is Rey,” he gestured to Rey, who was shifting uneasily in her small but modest black dress. Kaydel was absolutely beautiful. Of course she would be Ben’s type.

“Hi,” the blonde said, smiling. “Are you Ben’s family?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

The both looked at one another, Ben’s eyebrow raised as he waited for how she was going to explain saying ‘yes’ to that question.

Rey, being the adult that she is, straightened her shoulders and masked her expression. “I was his dad’s girlfriend.”

Kaydel’s face was one of understanding. “Oh. It’s sweet of you to be here, then.”

Ben glared at Rey before stepping up and placing his arm around her shoulders. “Well, why wouldn’t she be here? We live together.”

Rey rolled her eyes. What was he even trying to pull?

Kaydel, on the other hand, looked perplexed. “Right, well… Text me sometime, okay? I’d like to meet up before college.” She smiled bashfully at Ben, and it was obvious to Rey that this girl was a sweetheart. She felt bad for not liking her. “Don’t be a stranger. And it was nice to meet you, Rey.”

Rey smiled slightly back, waving. “You as well, Kaydel.” When the other girl turned around and left, Rey looked up at Ben. “She’s nice.”

He watched her for a moment before leaving without a word. Rey’s mouth dropped, reaching down to take off her heels to catch up with him. It wasn’t fair that his legs were so long. “Ben! Slow down,” she called out.

He did slow his steps, but refused to look at her. Reaching down, he grasped her shoes and placed them in his other hand that was not between them.

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. Even when he was angry, he still thought of her.

“Ben? Are you okay?”

Her car was in eyesight, and Ben kept his mouth shut as he walked to it. Rey eventually stopped trying, just trailing behind him as he waited beside the passenger side for her to unlock the car. When he climbed inside, she scrambled to get in the driver’s side and together they sat in silence.

“I’m not with Kaydel,” Ben eventually said, nearly spitting it out. He really was angry.

Rey stared ahead of her, thinking about how to respond. “I recognized her from before. Maybe… This could be good for you.” She looked over at him, his cap and gown now deposited in the back seat, leaving him in a dark Henley and jeans covering his large thighs. He looked good. “You’re going to college soon, right? Maybe it would be best for you to try and find a girl your age to date until then. I think I might even be ready to try going out again-“

His hand was in her hair, pulling her mouth to his before she could comprehend it. His other slid behind her back, pulling her towards him so that she was half leaning over the console. Rey’s fingers gripped the back of his head, pulling at the silky black tresses. Her tongue glided against his bottom lip, hoping he would open himself up and let her inside. Ben grunted, pulling her further onto him until she straddled his lap in the passenger seat.

Rey was extremely grateful for the tint of her windows, otherwise they would have been caught immediately by any passerby.

She used the opening to skate herself along his lap, and when Ben’s hand pressed against her ass until she felt like it might bruise, she broke away to puff out a whimper. Unaffected, he began his descent by pressing sweet kisses all along her jaw until he got to her neck, where he immediately began sucking and biting. Rey didn’t have the brainpower to ask him not to make a mark, only thinking about how amazing it all felt.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered, arching her back to further push herself into his mouth.

Ben obliged happily, his fingers trailed up her stomach until they cupped her breast, kneading them with ease. She sighed breathily, biting her lip.

“Can I take this off?” His voice was gruff as he spoke, tugging at the dress material. Rey looked down, shaking her head. She needed to at least be able to pull it down if anyone came by.

Before she could think better of it, she lifted the front, revealing her cute underwear and bra as the bunched up fabric now sat across her collar bone.

“Fuck,” he moaned, instantly kissing the curve of her breast. His tongue slid out, licking a stripe through her cleavage before he quickly yanked her bra down, her breast falling over the tops of the cups. Ben’s mouth hungrily devoured her nipple, his thumb and index finger tweaking the other. Rey ground into him, not sure what to do with the overwhelming sensations he was giving her.

“You have the prettiest tits I’ve ever seen, Rey,” he murmured along her skin, looking up at her. Rey glanced down, watching him watch her. It was one of the most erotic things she had ever experienced. “I want to put my mouth on every inch of you. I’ve wanted to for so long.”

She only nodded, her hands yanking at his hair as the friction between them started to draw strained pleasure out of her. Ben rolled his eyes back, then gave small kisses to each of her breast before moving his hands further down her stomach. When he reached the top of her underwear, he looked up to her for permission. When she thought about it, Ben had been the kindest man she had ever encountered. He always listened to her, asked permission before going to far. He understood her; not just her, but her wants and her desires, as well as how she felt even when she wasn’t able to verbally express it.

She decided to go ahead and make the task easier on him.

Licking her bottom lip, she moaned at the feeling of his fingers brushing against her. “Please touch me,” she pleaded, pushing her pussy closer to him. So close. He was so close.

Not wanting nor willing to disobey her request, he slid a hand beneath her underwear, his own pants incredibly tight. She had soft curls, and Ben nearly came when he felt how incredibly drenched she was. He laid his head against her shoulder, wishing it was his tongue instead of his hands. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

She chuckled excitedly above him. “Not if you kill me first.”

Ben smiled, biting at her skin as his finger sunk into her. Rey’s back arched above him, offering her breast to him like a silver platter. He wasted no time in greedily taking them back in his warm, wet mouth, wanting to overload her senses with him. He wanted to ruin her for any other man so that she’d finally look at him how he looked at her.

She shook above him, bouncing on his lap as he slid a second finger into her.

“Holy shit,” she gasped.

“You’re so tight,” he told her, licking at her nipple before sucking it into his full mouth and releasing it with a wet pop. “I can’t believe how beautiful you look right now. You’re more incredible than I had imagined.”

His words were doing the trick, and Rey was moaning rather loudly now as she bounced up and down on his fingers. They were thicker than her own, reaching deeper than she had ever been able to. Of course, she had fucked people before, but there had never been this urgency or passion.

She didn’t know if it could get any better than this, but Ben decided to one up himself and rubbed his thumb against her clit. Rey’s legs started to shake, her movements sporadic and unplanned. She wanted to cum, but every time she got close, Ben pulled his fingers from within her. After several times, Rey felt like crying. “Please, I need to cum. Please, please, please,” she begged, wrapping her hands around his face and kissing him deeply.

He swallowed her, in more than one way, and Rey felt like she would never be the same person again. Not after this.

“When you cum,” he spoke softly against her lips. “It’s going to be on my cock, okay?” He took his fingers from her completely, pulling his hands out to fold along her waist, pulling her bare chest to his clothed one. “I want to feel everything. I want to fill you up until you scream for me.” She panted above him at his words, wanting everything he was telling her and more. “Do you want that, Rey?”

Did she ever. “Yes! Fuck, Ben. Please fuck me and fill me up.”

He smiled, kissing her gently before reaching down to unbutton his jeans. She pulled back from him momentarily, watching intently as he pulled his hard cock from the confines of his underwear. Rey had never been attracted to that particular appendage before, but in that moment, she felt her mouth water.

He was thick and long, and Rey wanted to sit on it more than anything. So, she did.

She quickly climbed back onto him, using her hand to line him up before sinking down. She cried out his name, and Ben used one hand to hold her head in place while the other laid the seat further back. She slapped her hands on the seat beside him, keeping herself up as she moved frantically up and down him.

“God, you’re incredible,” he moaned into her ear, licking the shell. Chills traveled down her spin, causing goosebumps to rise on her arms. He used his free hand to grip her ass, picking it up and dropping it with her movements to increase the depth in which his cock hit her. She nearly lost her balance the first time he did it, and eventually just laid her head on his chest as he moved her with his hands. “I’m close,” he choked out, moving a hand to circle her clit once more.

Rey bit his neck, soothing it with a kiss. She felt positively elated, like she was the living breathing embodiment of sex. “Cum in me, Ben. Fill me up,” she breathed against his skin, loving the way the cords of his neck tightened at her words.

He grunted beneath her, his nails digging into her ass as he thrusted up, holding her still. Waves ripped through her body at the feeling of him releasing inside her, the warmth going deeper and deeper. Rey threw her head back, crying out his name as she tried to bounce more. She felt her orgasm shake her to her core, her right leg shooting out and hitting the console, the thud ringing in her ears. She didn’t care, all that mattered was the ever growing swells of pleasure bleeding her dry.

Ben sat up, lifting her one more time before slamming her down, hauling her mouth to his to swallow her cries. He was reveling in their closeness, her warm pussy gripping him so tight that he wondered if it should hurt. Pulling back from her, he watched as Rey fell boneless in his arms. He held her close, kissing the top of her head. “You’re amazing.”

Rey giggled for the first time in possibly her life, giddy with satiation. “No, you’re amazing.”

The smile that tore at his face was hidden from her, and Ben began rubbing soothing shapes on her back. “Fine, we’re both amazing.”

After a few minutes, Ben realized her breathing was shallow. “Rey?”

“Mm?” She responded, undoubtedly falling asleep.

Ben hated himself for doing it, but he knew that they needed to get back to the house. Dinner could wait. With kind hands, he lifted her off of him and kissed her lightly. “You sit here, I’ll drive us home.” Rey nodded, rubbing at her eyes. It was adorable. In fact, it seemed that Ben adored everything about her.

When they were in their respective seats and leaving the parking lot, he laid his hand on her thigh. Unable to stop looking at her every few minutes, he saw her blush and look away when he caught her drowsily staring back. That gave him more hope than the sex. Sex didn’t mean she had feelings, but if he had her attention? Now, that meant something.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! My computer was being worked on, but it's back now so I'll be posting regularly again. Hope you all enjoy!

When they got home, Ben opened the passenger door for her, giving her a small kiss before holding her hand as they walked up the sidewalk to the front door. His plan was to get her inside, get her in bed, then spoon the hell out of her until she woke up and he could show her he meant it when he told her he wanted to get his mouth on every part of her.

Of course, because they were so wrapped up in one another and exhausted, they didn’t notice the other car parked on the road in front of the house. They didn’t pay attention to how the light in the living room was on, shining through the curtains. So, when they walked through the door, it was really their own faults that they had no warning that there was someone sitting on the couch facing away from the door. Rey dropped his hand like it burned her, and Ben fought down the hurt it caused.

“Amilyn?” Ben asked, more than annoyed at the turn of events. “What are you doing here?”

The older woman spun in her seat, a smile lighting up her face. “Ben! Congratulations!” She jumped up, either not bothered by or not noticing the way Ben was clearly not as ecstatic to see her as she was him. She embraced him, standing only several inches shorter. “We’re going out to celebrate, aren’t we? I told you the last time we talked that I’d take you out for dinner so that we could catch up. I don’t even know what your plans for college are.”

Ben looked to Rey, who seemed extremely confused. “This is Amilyn Holdo, my mom’s best friend. She was practically a second mom to me.”

Thoroughly intimidated, Rey gathered herself and held out her hand. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Welcome in, I’m Rey. I was-“

Amilyn smiled, and Rey got the impression that the woman didn’t like her. “Dating Han. Yes, Ben told me.” She looked around, her eyes seeming to catch on random things in the house that were out of place. Rey only then realized that she hadn’t dusted or even wiped down a table since she had lived there. Ben had been the homebody, making her life extremely easy when she got home from work each day. “I heard you were staying here with Ben. Do you still plan to be here when he goes off to college?”

Rey fumbled with her words, mainly since Ben still hadn’t told her his plan for that particular situation.

Coming to her rescue, the man himself stepped between the two of them, shielding Rey from the ever-growing animosity in the older woman’s eyes. “Are we not going to dinner? I’m starving.” He looked back at to the small woman beside him, smiling sweetly as always. Rey hoped Amilyn didn’t pick up on the adoration in his eyes. “Rey, do you need to freshen up or anything first?”

 _Go wash the scent of sweat and sex off of you_ , is what he meant.

Rey only had to briefly glance at the other woman to know that she was most certainly not welcome to come to dinner. “I think I’ll stay here and rest. Long day.”

Ben looked her up and down, and Rey knew what he was remembering. “Long day, indeed. Well, I’ll be home in a few hours. Go get some rest and maybe we can watch a movie or something?”

Not wanting to make it too obvious she was fucking her former boyfriend’s son, Rey shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. Have fun,” then headed off to her room to throw herself on her bed and cover her face with her blanket.

She knew that she wasn’t doing anything illegal, but she still felt slimy. How could she be with Ben if she knew that everyone around them would hate them for it?

\---

“Rey.”

She shifted in the bed, her arm reaching out to stretch, only to hit something warm and hard. Her eyes shot open, a silhouette of a head in the dark before her. “Ben?” She asked hopefully.

His laugh gave him away, and slowly his hand caressed her cheek before settling across her jaw. “Did you miss me?” Shoving at him, she turned around and laid on her stomach, ignoring him. He sounded amused when he crawled over her, kissing at her neck, to which Rey offered more skin. “Well, I missed you,” he whispered, nibbling at her ear. “The whole time, I just wanted to get back home to you. There’s still so much I planned to do.”

Rey felt her pussy clench in anticipation. “Oh? Like what?” Her face was still in her pillow, but she could feel his warmth pressed into her back, so she scooted back, her ass catching on where his cock demanded to be noticed through his jeans. He really had missed her.

A cold hand fell on the inside of her thigh, and Rey jumped at the contact. “Your hand is freezing,” she griped halfheartedly.

Ben smirked against her skin. “Consider it temperature play.” He slithered higher along her leg, seemingly pleased when he found that she wasn’t wearing anything beneath her shirt. “I knew you missed me.”

She wiggled her ass, biting her lip. “I had hoped you would come visit me.” A sharp sting on her left ass cheek and the blaring noise of skin on skin made her whine. Ben quickly covered her mouth with his hand, shushing her.

“Amilyn’s here.”

Rey tried to sit up but found it hard with the two-hundred pound man on her back. “What? Ben, we can’t do anything with her here. Why is she still here?”

Soothingly, he rubbed at where she was probably welting from the slap. “She’s in the guest bedroom downstairs, don’t worry. She’s leaving tomorrow, but she seemed to be worried about us living together.”

Rey scoffed. “Yeah, probably because she should be!”

His hand finally slid home, sliding along the crease of her ass all the way to her clit before moving back down. “I’m not doing anything I’m ashamed of,” he murmured into her hair, admiring the soft whimpers that she released beneath him. Her cute little face was pressed into the pillow, and while he couldn’t see very well in the dark, he could tell that her eyes were closed tightly. “I’m still hungry, Rey.”

He felt her clench, knew he was getting to her. She arched her back, lifting her ass further into the air. “Then eat something,” she whispered.

Ben barely inserted his finger into her before he pulled back. “If you insist.”

She was out of her damn mind, clearly. Ben’s fucking _god mother_ was downstairs, and she was still going to let him do this? Clearly, she was certifiably insane.

Yet, the moment his breath ghosted across her damp skin, all thoughts of morals flew out the window. She lifted her arms above her head beneath the pillow and thrusted herself closer to his mouth. When he took the hint and sunk his tongue inside of her, Rey forgot how to be quiet.

While he wished she could be loud enough to wake the neighbors, he knew that she would regret it if Amilyn found out, so he lifted his hand from where it had been holding onto her thigh, placing it over her mouth. She instead licked his fingers, tasting herself from when he had touched her earlier. Ben grunted into her pussy, wondering if it was possible to be more in love with her. Determined for her to love him back, he got lost in the sensation and taste. It was slightly salty, but sweet. It was delectable.

Rey grabbed his hand, sticking his fingers in her mouth as she cried out, muffling herself as she sucked. She knew from the vibrations from Ben’s mouth that he was enjoying it just as much as she was.

Soon, she began shaking, and Ben now knew that to be her tell for when she was about to cum. He was pretty sure nothing could be better than her cumming on his mouth. “You taste amazing,” he gasped, watching with delight as she clenched right before his eyes. “Can you cum on my tongue, Rey?”

She managed a “mmhm” in return, not trusting her voice to be able to form words. His tongue sped up, and Rey knew she was close. Any second now, and she’d fall over the sharp cliff he built inside of her.

Loud knocking filled the room, and Ben ceased his movements, tongue still pressed inside her.

Rey released his fingers from her mouth, lifting her head slightly. “Yes?”

“Rey,” Amilyn’s voice said. “Can we talk?”

She started to sit up, when Ben’s hand in the middle of her back pushed her back down. Glaring, she tried to turn as much as she could to scold him. “What are you doing?” She whispered as quietly as she could, hoping he could hear her.

“Talk,” he said simply before he shoved his face back into her pussy, slurping up everything she had to offer. Rey felt absolutely wrecked. He wanted her to talk? She could barely even breathe!

“I’m a bit busy,” she called out, hoping she didn’t sound as winded as she feared.

Ben rewarded her by sliding his finger inside her dripping entrance, keeping his tongue on her clit. She was going to kick his ass for this, but probably not before she kissed him.

“Tomorrow, then?” She heard a sigh through the door. “It’s important.”

Rey nodded, unable to think when Ben was fucking her so well with his tongue and fingers. “Yep, tomorrow sounds good!”

When they were met with silence, Rey waited a few moments before crying out softly. “I hate you.”

At this, Ben pulled back. “Hate me? Well in that case, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop,” he said cheekily, and Rey shook his hand off of her, sitting up in the bed and grabbing him by the shoulders.

She shoved him down until he laid with his feet hanging off the end, and she climbed him like a tree. “Don’t even think about it.” Grinning at the hungry look she could make out on his handsome features, she straddled the side of his head, using the headboard to keep her balance as he voraciously jerked her down onto his mouth. “Oh, Ben,” she whined, thrusting onto his tongue.

Ben didn’t even mind that his cock was getting no attention, he had no doubt he would cum when she did whether he was inside her or not. But when Rey’s small hands caressed him through his jeans, he had to yank himself away to breathe, biting at her thigh before diving back in. Rey took this as encouragement, slipping him out of his pants before slowly sliding her hand up and down him, making sure she had a tight grip.

Her moans filled the quiet room, bouncing softly off of the walls. She was so close, she could taste it. Then, Ben sucked her clit deeply between his lips, and Rey not only fell off the cliff, she dove. Back rigid, she positively vibrated on top of him. Her hands still jerkily moved over his cock, and she briefly noticed that he had arched up, his cum streaking across her hand.

When they had both come down, Rey fell backwards where her head lay by his knee, wiping her hand off on a dirty shirt laying by her bed. She smiled when he took her foot in his hands, massaging it for a few minutes before switching to the other. He was quite possibly the most amazing man she had ever had the pleasure of meeting. She wasn’t sure how she was going to handle him leaving. In fact, the very thought made her want to double over and cry.

A notion crossed her mind, and suddenly she was petrified. Did she…?

No, she couldn’t.

Could she?

“Come here,” he said, holding his hand out for her to grab. She hesitated for only a moment before she let him pull her up and into him, her head lying between the place where his shoulder and chest met. She felt comforted by his smell, instantly relaxing back into his hold. “Are you hungry?”

Rey nearly laughed at the question, considering what they had just done, but instead turned into him smiling. “I’m fine for now. I’ll eat later.” Ben wrapped his arms around her, pulling her further up his body until she nestled into his neck and he rubbed his hands along the small of her back.

“I’ll make breakfast,” he whispered, kissing her head.

Rey wanted to scream. She wanted so badly to know what he planned to do for college, needed to know if she should allow herself to feel all of the things she felt for him. But she knew that if she asked him now, she’d likely end up angry or sad or anything that wasn’t the blissed out feeling she felt right then. She didn’t want to ruin such a perfect moment. It could wait till the morning.

They both fell asleep soon after, soothed to sleep by the other’s breathing.

\---

Rey awoke this time to light filtering into the room. Looking over her shoulder, she saw that the bed behind her was empty. He must have went back to his room in the middle of the night.

She sat up, only then noticing the smell that wafted through the air. Ben had told her he would make breakfast, and right then, she was absolutely ravenous. Putting on a large t-shirt and shorts, she headed out in search of the source of the delightful smell. As soon as she stepped in the kitchen, she remembered that it was not just Ben and Rey today. Today, they had a visitor.

“Rey,” Amilyn greeted. Ben spun around, grinning at her.

“Good morning, sleepy. Hungry?”

The way he spoke to her made Amilyn suspicious, and Rey could see gears turning in the other woman’s mind. She wasn’t sure what to do about it, so she decided to distract her. “Starving. But first, I think Amilyn and I need to talk first. Is now a good time?” She asked the other woman, who nodded in return.

“Yes, let’s head to the patio, shall we?”

Rey felt dread. She looked up, catching Ben’s concerned gaze. She smiled back to him, following the older woman outside.

Once they were both seated, Amilyn wasted no time getting to the point.

“How long have you two been together?”

Rey coughed, not expecting her to be that blunt. “Excuse me?”

Amilyn waved her off. “You and Ben? I’m not an idiot, Rey. Ben wasn’t in his room last night and you have a hickey the size of Africa on your neck.” Rey cursed him and his beautiful, wonderful tongue and fingers. “Was it before Han died?”

That pissed her right off. “No, it absolutely was not. How dare you ask me that?”

The woman before her glared. “Right, because I’m supposed to assume the woman sleeping with both father and son is going to take the high road.”

Okay. Rey wasn’t about to let this woman shit all over her. Despite the completely unconventional way that her and Ben wound up together, she wasn’t about to feel like ass for it. “How about you get to the fucking point, _Amilyn_. You don’t like us together, got it. It’s Ben decision as a legal adult to decide what he wants. I would never force anything on him.”

Amiyln shifted in her seat, crossing her legs. “As Ben’s god parent, and in lieu of a lack of parental figures in his life, I feel obligated to protect him.”

“And as I said before, he can make his _own decisions_.”

The older woman scoffed. “You really expect me to sit idly by while he throws his life away? He had plans, Rey. He got into two extremely prestigious schools, and now suddenly he wants to stay in the suburbs of Coruscant? I highly doubt that has nothing to do with you.”

Rey hated that she was finding out his plans from someone else. Hated that he wasn’t able to sugarcoat it, kissing her in the way only Ben could as he laid out his future before her. Instead, they were being thrown in her face like ice water. “I wasn’t aware.”

She knew the other woman believed her when her face softened. “Don’t let him throw everything away for you,” Amilyn spoke. “If you still want to be together when he graduates college, far be it from me to stop you. But please,” the woman pleaded. “Let him explore the world on his own. Don’t hold him back from living his life. He’ll end up hating you and hating himself.”

Rey didn’t want that. She never wanted that. She wanted him to be happy; she wanted him to get everything he wanted out of life. She told the other woman as much. “I don’t ever want to be the reason he misses out on something in life.”

Amilyn nodded, leaning forward to pat Rey’s hand. “I can see that you care for him, Rey. Despite how you two may have ended up here, I’m glad that it at least came from a place of affection.” Pulling back, she stood up. “You know what you need to do, don’t you?”

Rey looked down at her hands, nodding. She didn’t want this other woman to see her cry.

Slowly, she followed after Amilyn. By the time she had got to the kitchen, Amilyn was talking to Ben.

“I’m going to head out, Ben. Keep in touch, okay?”

Rey stepped into the room, unaware that everything she was feeling was written plain as day on her face. Ben noticed immediately, not paying attention to Amilyn’s retreating form as he bounded up to Rey. “What happened? What did you two talk about?” He held her face, leaning down to meet her eyes. “Rey? Please talk to me, baby.”

A sob broke out from her throat at the term of endearment. “I’m holding you back, Ben,” she spoke through her tears.

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why she would say something like that. “What? No, you are not. If anything, you’ve made me a better person.”

He tried to wipe the tears from her face, but Rey grabbed his hands, stepping back. “You got into amazing schools, places that can give you opportunities in life, and you’re trying to stay here instead? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“ _Fucking Amilyn_ ,” Ben growled out, shaking his head as he tried once again to touch Rey but she shook him off. “Don’t do that. Let me touch you,” he pleaded, looking lost and confused. “I only wanted to leave to get away from Han, anyway, Rey. I already have a plan. I’m going to stay here and attend school and work a part time job to help you with some of the house payments, and when I graduate, we can move out together to a new city.” She was sobbing harder, and Ben couldn’t comprehend why. “Rey, baby, please talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I can’t stay here.”

Not this again. Ben would be damned if he let her leave because of some sort of guilt trip Amilyn had put her through. “Yes, you can, Rey. We can. I’m doing this because I want to. Are you understanding me? This is a decision I made for myself. Not because of you.” A lie, but only partially. He was doing it because he wanted to be with her, impressive universities be damned. He could get a degree from any four-year college, it didn’t matter to him if he made a ton of money. The only thing in his future that wasn’t replaceable was her. The thought of leaving her made his chest throb painfully. He couldn’t imagine not being able to see her face in the mornings. She had spoiled him, and now he would accept nothing less.

“We can’t do this, Ben. I won’t do this.”

It was like she had stabbed him through the gut. “What?”

Rey moved closer to him, needing to touch him as she did this; as she broke both of their hearts. She held his face, bringing his forehead down to her own. “You need to go live your life. Go to parties and meet cute college girls.” She smiled at him, trying not to breakdown again. “Go enjoy yourself, and if in four years you still think about me, well then you know my number.”

Ben couldn’t help it. He began to cry. “Rey, don’t do this.”

Closing her eyes, she kissed him. One last kiss, and then she could walk away. Not because of her own strength, but Ben’s borrowed strength. She could do this for him, and while he might not understand it now, she knew it was for the best. “I love you, you know?” She told him softly, pulling back.

He looked between her eyes, frantically searching for the end of this horrible joke. “If you love me, then why are you doing this to us? I want to be with you, Rey. Let me make that decision for myself!”

She shook her head, wishing she didn’t need to do this. She had just realized her feelings for him, she didn’t want to let him go. “I can’t let you make that decision, Ben. If I let you, you’ll end up hating yourself and me later when you realize that I ripped your life away.”

Ben knelt before her holding onto her hands, practically begging her to stop. “I could never hate you. I love you. Even when you’re trying to rip us apart because of some dumb notion.” He tried to pull her into his embrace once again, only for her to shake her head once more, stepping back. “You’re joking, right? You can’t be serious.” He felt his cheeks growing wetter, but all he could think about was how his heart was being torn from his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered, backing away. Quickly, she grabbed her keys from the key rack, heading out to her car. She knew he was following her, but she couldn’t turn around to look at him. “I’ll keep up the house payments. You can stay here until you move to college.”

He was having trouble seeing her through the tears, so he angrily wiped at them as he walked behind her. “And what about you? Where are you going to stay?”

“I have a friend I haven’t seen in a while. He’ll let me stay, I think.”

A part of him felt like he was dying. “He? No, Rey, just stay here. God, please, do not get in that car and drive off to some other man. Do not do that to me.”

She took him in, the disheveled young man before her who towered over everyone he met. She loved him. She loved him so fucking much, she actually thought she might not survive leaving him. But, that just told her that she needed to do it not only for him, but for herself. That kind of passion wasn’t healthy. “I love you,” she whispered, slipping into her car.

She started it as he got to the window, his hand pressing against the glass.

When she backed up, he stood watching her until she could no longer see him in her rear view mirror; that was when she pulled over and cried for hours.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of angst for ya.

Ben opened the door, numb as he took in the man on the porch. When Ben didn’t greet him, the man shifted awkwardly. “Hey, you must be Ben. I’m Finn, Rey’s friend. She asked me to come gather her stuff.”

He didn’t move from the doorway, looking the man up and down. “Where’s Rey?”

Finn scratched the back of his neck. “She’s going to stay with me for a while. Can I come inside?”

“How is she?”

Finn sighed, knowing that this was going to be far more difficult than he presumed. “She’s still upset, but I agree with her. It’s for the best.”

Scoffing, Ben stood his ground in the doorway, pissed off that the guy Rey ran off to was standing outside his home, telling him that she had a good reason to break his fucking heart. “That’s none of your damn business.”

Finn nodded slowly. “Can I please just get her stuff, dude? I’m just the messenger here.”

Eventually, Ben moved to the side, letting the shorter man come in. He followed him, staying in the threshold of the room while the other man rifled through her things, picking up as much as he could before turning around and acknowledging Ben again. “I’ll be right back, I’m just gonna go sit these in the car.”

Ben let him pass, looking around at his old room, now partially filled with her things. She had only been gone a few days, and yet he felt like his heart was shriveling up in his chest without her.

Desperate, Ben ran into his current room, rummaging through his drawers until he found what he was looking for. Then, he went back to Rey’s room and put the item on her stuff that Finn had piled up. If she was going to make all the decisions, at least he wouldn’t make it easy on her.

\---

“How was he?” Rey asked as soon as he got home.

Finn couldn’t help but laugh. “You know, that was one of the first questions he asked me about you.” Rey blushed, and Finn knew she was in far deeper than she had led on. “Rey, are you in love with him?” One look told him all that he needed to know, and soon he had pulled her into his arms. They had been friends since they were kids, both of them having grown up in the same foster home. He had seen her through so many highs and lows, but he had never seen her so torn up. “Oh, Rey.”

\---

She sat on Finn’s couch, trying to find her pair of sleep shorts, when she saw it. The dark Henley he had worn the night of his graduation. The night they… Rey groaned, holding the shirt to her face as she tried to gain control of her emotions. She knew what he was doing; he was trying to make her fall back from her stance on the matter and crawl back to him.

God, she really fucking wanted to.

Picking up her phone, she saw the texts he had sent her since she’d been gone.

_“This is dumb. Just come home. I love you.”_

_“Mornings aren’t the same without you.”_

_“Your friend Finn came by. He got all of your stuff. I guess this means you’re really leaving for good, doesn’t it?”_

_“Four years, huh? Guess I’ll see you then.”_

Four years. She could do that. It was like an extremely long distance relationship. And then, he would be twenty-two, so she wouldn’t have to worry as much about the age difference. And Amilyn could never make her feel bad about being with him again. And who knew? Maybe by then, she would have been promoted to Department Head and they could get a cute little apartment together.

Slipping into the t-shirt, she laid on the couch thinking about all of the positive things that could come from this, trying to outweigh overwhelming negatives.

\---

Rey kept up with him after that. He left for Stanford in mid-August, and from his Facebook, she could tell that he had a good freshman year. He didn’t post much, but she could see his tagged photos. Pictures of him in dorm rooms with friends, studying at coffee shops, and even a party or two. He was not exactly thrilled in any of them, but she thought he looked rather happy. She was glad.

His sophomore year, Rey noticed that he was tagged in more pictures with girls. That was when she stopped checking so often. Instead of every few days, she soon only checked every few weeks, then months. When he got a steady girlfriend his second semester of sophomore year, Rey couldn’t breathe. So much for their four-year agreement.

Since Ben had sold the house, Rey was unsure of what he had done with the money. As soon as she no longer paid utilities on the beautiful home, she moved into a nice apartment just outside the city, making her morning commute eight minutes instead of thirty-two. Still, she sometimes woke up thinking she heard his voice, only to remember that she would likely never hear it again.

His junior year, Rey barely checked in on him. Too many pictures of him with his girlfriend, Anna. He smiled in these pictures, broad and wide. She knew he was lost to her then.

Amilyn had contacted her through Facebook early in his senior year, sending a message that only contained her number.

“Hello, Amilyn?” Rey asked, sitting on her small couch.

“Hi, Rey,” she heard. “I figured I should tell you, since he won’t.”

Rey inhaled, holding it.

\---

She met Nathan sometime that year. He was blonde, barely taller than her, and kind of mean. Nothing like Ben. After two months together, she posted a photo of them sitting on a bench at an outdoor brewery. The next day, she checked her Facebook and quickly checked his, as was tradition when she got on, only to find that she couldn’t see his profile.

He had blocked her.

\---

He had graduated sometime last May. It was now late January, and the air was violently frigid. He was probably married now, she’d assume. Amilyn had said that they were planning for a June wedding after graduation.

She broke up with Nathan when he told her he didn’t like how quiet she was. After seven months together, she realized he had no idea who she was. Rey was not quiet. She was not docile. It felt like very few people in her life knew the real Rey.

One of them wasn’t even in her life.

Shaking off the negative thoughts, she straightened her back as she walked into the building.

“Good morning, Rey!” A security guard said, and Rey smiled back.

“Hey, Tim. How’s Meg?”

Tim smiled brighter at the mention of his wife. “Good, although she’d tell you otherwise. The doctor said she can be induced on the 13th.”

Rey swiped her badge, the light turning green. “Happy Valentines’ day to you guys, huh?”

She said her goodbyes, heading to the elevator. Today was going to be a good day, Rey decided. As department head of the tech sector, she was meeting the newest hires. Hux, her barely amiable coworker, had told her that there were several with potential, so she was excited to see for herself. New hires always put her in a good mood since she got to show them all around. Her favorite part of this job was being able to teach what she knew to others.

When the elevator dinged, Rey stepped off, immediately met by her assistant Andrew. “Good morning,” she said kindly.

Andrew smiled. “Good morning, Rey. The new hires are in your office. Do you want a briefing?”

Rey nodded, sipping her coffee as they fell in step with one another.

“There’s Miranda, a MIT grad who majored in Computer Science. She had a 3.9 GPA and led three extracurriculars.” Ah, Rey knew what Hux meant by potential. “Then there’s Gage who graduated from UC Berkeley with a 4.0 GPA, and a bachelor’s in Computer Information Systems. He also managed a part-time job through two out of four years.” Rey nodded.

“Impressive. Sounds like we have a good group.”

Andrew nodded in agreement, and they both slowed as they neared her office door. “Then there’s Ben, who went to Stanford and graduated with a 4.0 as well. He has a bachelor’s in Computer Science. He also led two clubs, as well as undertook a decent amount of community service.”

Rey looked dumbfounded. “Ben?” Come on, Rey, the odds were astronomical, right? She reached for the doorknob, slowly opening it as she walked inside. Andrew followed behind her, nearly knocking her to the floor when she stopped without warning.

It felt as if she had entered a dream; like the world was hazy and she couldn’t quite remember how she got to where she was now. The last four years felt blurry and nonsensical, but as if they had been drawn out over a century.

Like a nightmare and a fantasy, he was there.

_Ben_.

All three new hires looked up, but only one did a double take. Rey felt like she might throw up. Immediately, her eyes sought out his hands, looking for any sign of a ring, but he had them tucked beneath his leather binder. Didn’t matter much; whether he was married or not, Rey knew that they could never have what they once did. They were different people now.

Still, she couldn’t help but stare. He looked… Incredible. She hadn’t seen him even through pictures in a year, but he had definitely gotten more masculine over the years. His dress shirt did little to hide his muscles from her eyes, and his jaw was sharp like razor.

“Good morning,” she nearly squeaked, but the other two new employees didn’t seem to mind as they responded enthusiastically in kind.

One by one, the three people before her were introduced by Andrew. She had to mask her familiarity with Ben as she said hello, to which he only nodded, gritting his teeth. He was clearly displeased to see her. Rey felt something akin to an ache wrap around her chest but smiled professionally in return.

After a whispered reminder, she wound up leading them on a short tour around the office, trying her best to not make eye contact with _him_. His face was… Beautiful, as always. His features less delicate and round, more manly. Rey couldn’t be sure, but she thought his hands might even be larger. Ignoring that, she continued.

“And this is the break room. Lunch breaks are one hour, and the coffee is always communal, even if Kendra tells you otherwise,” she winked at the girl sitting at the table, sipping her coffee. Kendra laughed, shaking her head. “Any questions?”

“How do you handle the hiring process?”

Rey clenched her fist at his voice. God, she’d missed him. She could tell from the annoyance in his eyes that he did not feel similarly. “You can speak with HR about that on level seventeen if you’re interested. I assure you, I have no say in the matter,” she said with expertly crafted nonchalance, but they both knew what she meant. _I had no idea we were hiring you._

Miranda then asked about how deadlines tend to work, and Rey smiled as she allowed herself to fall into that conversation. After they were done, she showed them each individually their cubicles, and of course, Ben would be last.

“This is yours,” she said quietly. “Ben-“

“Yes, Ms. Kenobi?” He questioned, a bored expression on his face.

“I had no idea, okay? I’m just as surprised as you are.”

Ben nodded, still looking as if he couldn’t care less. Of course, why would he care? He was likely married to his pretty fiancée, Anna. He probably didn’t even think of her anymore. She wished she didn’t think of him.

Sighing, she took a step back, wiping her nervous hands down her skirt. “Let me know if there’s anything I can assist you with, Mr. Solo,” then she spun around and dashed off to her office. She couldn’t stand seeing the uninterested look any longer. She didn’t know what she was expecting if they ever saw one another again, but this wasn’t it. Maybe anger, or sadness, or content with their current lives? Of course, she had dreamed that if they’d ever see one another again, he’d run up to her and kiss her hard on the mouth before even speaking a word, but any possible fantasy about that was tossed when he got engaged to Anna.

Still, didn’t he feel anything towards her? She wouldn’t mind if he was still pissed. Anything except this all-around lack of emotion.

_Get it together, Rey._ She was thirty-three years old for god’s sake, why was she letting this twenty-two year old get the best of her?

Andrew filtered in some time later, and Rey tried to get lost in work.

\---

The following Friday, Rey had to stay late on a project. When she ended up passing out on her desk, there were several people still working in the main sector, including Ben. They had hardly spoken since the first day, beyond her speaking broadly to him and others. She accidentally brushed against him in the breakroom Wednesday, immediately apologizing. He didn’t seem to mind, only saying “no worries” before walking off. Rey didn’t know why, but it felt like her heart was breaking all over again.

As she slowly awoke from her sleep coma, Rey glanced at the clock. It was nearly nine at night. Rubbing her eyes, Rey went to stand, only for something to fall off her shoulders. She looked down, seeing the blanket she usually kept on the couch in her office lying on the floor. She didn’t remember putting that on.

Someone must have put it on her.

Rey moved quickly, opening the door to her office. She saw a figure in the distance moving out of eyesight as they went home, but it had been too quick for her to tell who it was. Still, she had a guess as to who it could have been. She had worked there for ten years and no one had ever put a blanket over her before when she fell asleep at her desk.

Warmth blossomed inside her. Perhaps he did still care, even if only slightly.

\---

“Thank you for the other day,” she said on Monday morning in the break room.

Ben glanced up from where he sat at a table looking at his phone. “What?”

Rey hesitated, no longer sure of herself. “The blanket?” When he didn’t look like he understood, her face fell. “Someone put a blanket on me the other day when I fell asleep in my office. I assumed it was you, but I guess I was wrong.”

Shrugging, Ben took a sip of coffee. “Probably that one guy, Hux. He seems to have a thing for you.”

Rey’s mouth fell open. He truly didn’t care. Clearly, he had moved on with life and accomplished so much. She needed to move on too. Truly move on, not just seek out men who she used to get over him.

It was the first moment in four years that she comprehended how ridiculous she had been to hang on to the very thought of him. Despite everything, a small part of her had allowed hope to remain. Despite everything, she couldn’t fully extinguish that hope. Not until now.

“Right, maybe it was. If so, I should thank him,” she smiled, eyes downcast. “See you around, Ben.”

She didn’t bother looking at him as she got up and left. Wondered if she turned around, would he be looking at her too? But she couldn’t think of that anymore. It was over and done. He wasn’t the Ben she knew, and she wasn’t the same Rey. They had grown apart, and that was okay.

It had to be okay.

\---

Their next interaction was Valentine’s day. It was completely unintentional on her end, might she add. She had been steering clear of him for almost a full week when Andrew told her that she was to do a group interview with the three new hires at two.

Rey stood before them, watching as they filled out the questionnaire to see if they were enjoying their new positions and if there was anything the company could improve on, when he glanced up at her. Rey immediately looked away, squinting at the clock. Only twenty-four more minutes before she could send them out.

Once they were done, Rey picked up the paper, sitting it on her desk as she leaned against it. “So, how’s it been so far?”

Gage spoke up, clearly a bit socially awkward, but he seemed pleasant. “The free coffee’s nice.”

Rey and Miranda laughed. “It certainly is,” Rey responded. “Miranda? Anything you’ve enjoyed or not enjoyed? It’s okay to give us some constructive criticism.”

Miranda pushed her hair back, shifting in her seat. “Well, the women’s restroom keeps running out of toilet paper, and then there’s nothing in there for the rest of the day.”

Rey nodded along, smiling at the younger girl. “I see, that does sound like something we can fix. I’ll tell you what, when it happens, just email me something with “Code yellow” as the subject and I’ll know to have them bring in more.”

Miranda beamed at that, pleased with her employer’s response to an issue. Rey was happy she was able to make their time here enjoyable.

She didn’t want to call on Ben, but found it would be stranger if she didn’t. “Ben? What about you?”

Ben looked away from the wall to look at her, his eyes moving up and down her with sloth-like speed. Rey suddenly felt underdressed in her pencil skirt and beige short sleeve’d top. “Gage is right. Free coffee’s nice.”

Rey nodded, wishing she could leave the room. The awkward tension was suffocating her. “I’m glad.”

“Do you have plans for Valentine’s day, Rey?” Miranda asked in a friendly manner.

Rey glanced from Ben back to the girl. “Old people like me don’t celebrate Valentine’s day, sadly.”

“You’re hardly old,” Ben spoke, and Rey white knuckled the desk behind her.

“Yeah! What are you, twenty-eight, twenty-nine?” Miranda asked. When Rey laughed, the young girl turned to Ben. “What about you, Ben? Any plans?”

Rey held her breath, waiting for his response. Not that it should affect her. She lost the right to care a long time ago.

Ben licked his bottom lip, then smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he responded. “Yeah, I’ve got plans.”

Miranda cooed. “Ugh, I just _love_ love. Valentine’s day always puts me in a good mood.”

Rey was feeling quite the opposite right then. “Alright guys, well I’ll see you next Tuesday at the daily meeting. Happy Valentine’s day.”

The three of them gathered their things, standing up to leave. Just as Rey turned away to pick up the three papers they had filled out, she heard him. “Happy Valentine’s day, Rey.” When she looked over her shoulder, he was shutting the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end now! Only one chapter left after this one. Thank you all for the kudos and comments, they're all appreciated!

Several single coworkers decided to get together that night and have dinner at a local pub. The food’s not great, but you can’t tell when you’re drunk; at least that’s what Hux had said.

Rey was currently squished between Hux and Dante from Accounting, downing a fourth pint of beer in an hour and a half. Of course she’d be the only girl here. She wasn’t sure if that meant that every woman in the office was taken, or if they were all smart enough to know not to come out with her shitty coworkers.

Still, it seemed better than being at home alone on Valentine’s Day. She had been with Nathan last year, but the year before that had been torture.

She was just downing her Guinness, when the men around her erupted.

“Ah, there he is!” Hux shouted beside her, and Rey looked around confused. Tipsy as she was, she didn’t see Ben until he was nearly sitting. He wasn’t quite looking at her, but Rey could tell by that exact action that he had known she would be there.

“Ben? I thought you had plans?” Rey asked quietly, too out of it to know that her voice would be muffled by the surrounding men. Dante elbowed her shoulder, and she elbowed him right back. “Calm down, asshole! You hurt me.”

“Shut up, Reymond.” When she flipped him off for the nickname, Dante laughed at her. They didn’t take her seriously. Whatever. As long as they took her seriously at work, that’s all that mattered.

“Welcome to singles night, Benny,” Hux said, clearly closer to Ben than Rey had realized. She had never heard anyone call him ‘Benny’. It wasn’t a bad nickname, just kind of weird. Ben was always Ben or even sometimes Benjamin when she was mad. Never Benny.

Wait, singles night? Wasn’t Ben married?

Rey looked down at his hand, but found nothing on his finger. No ring, no nothing. “You’re single?” She asked aloud, this time not fortunate enough to have been drowned out by the room around her.

Ben’s face was carefully masked, not revealing anything other than that he had heard her. “Yes.”

“You didn’t tell me,” Rey said, still being shoved around by the guys who were watching a game on a distant TV as Ben sat in a stool across from her.

He scoffed at her words, and Rey felt like dirt. “Why would I have?”

She didn’t answer. He’s right, why would he have?

Rey excused herself, taking her empty mug and walking back to the bar. “Another Guinness, please.”

“Do you really need another?” Ben asked from where he now stood beside her.

“What are you, a ninja?” She waited until the bartender sat the drink in front of her before swiping it up. “I’m a grown woman who can drink whatever the hell I want, okay?” She stuck the mug to her face, slurping the drink down easily. When she was a little more than halfway done, she pulled it away to burp.

Ben’s lips quirked involuntarily, shaking his head. Same old Rey.

“How’s your shoulder?”

Rubbing at the area Dante hit with his elbow, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like you care.” She then moved back to the table, intending on getting back her spot, only to see it was filled by a pretty girl. That felt familiar. Groaning, she turned around, bumping into the broad chest of Benjamin Solo. “Jesus, Ben. Are you following me?”

“Just trying to keep you from doing something stupid,” he replied, looking amused with her. Like she was a child. Well, she was not a child!

“Like you?” She snickered at her joke. Ben rolled his eyes, glad that they were away from their coworkers when she was talking about this stuff.

“Let me take you home, Rey,” Ben spoke, hoping she would agree so that he wouldn’t need to worry about what else she might do in a dive bar like this, filled with men who would easily take advantage of a drunk woman. When Hux had asked him to this thing and told him Rey was going, as well as how they all tended to get drunk and “let whatever happens, happen”, Ben knew he needed to go. Now, he was glad he had.

“Jeez, I was just kidding about the whole _doing you_ joke.” She smiled then, stumbling briefly until he slid his hand around her bicep and pulled her back up. When she gazed up at him, she could tell he thought it was funny. Well, you know what? She begged to fucking differ. Her misery on a holiday about love was the least funny thing that she could think of in that moment. “Piss off, _Ben_ ,” she spat, moving off toward the table again as she pulled her arm from his grasp. Ben followed closely behind, not taking her anger personally. “Will one of you take me home?”

“I will,” Ben said.

Hux clapped. “Great! Ben will.”

Rey sneered, looking betrayed by all of her friends. “I hate you all.”

Dante laughed as she turned to leave, “That’s just the alcohol talking, honey! We love you too.”

She flipped them off, walking out of the bar with Ben hot on her tail. “I’ll take a cab.”

A weight lifted off of her arm, and Rey had to think for a minute before she realized her purse was gone. Her eyesight was a little hazy, but she could make out Ben walking off with a familiar brown bag. “My purse!”

Her car beeped, and Ben raised his eyebrows. “A Mercedes? I personally preferred the Kia; more spacious.”

Rey nudged his side, trying to grab her purse back from him. “I hated the kia and I hate _you_ , now give me my purse back!”

Walking with her purse to the passenger side, he opened the door and tossed her the bag in the backseat. “Go get it, sweetheart.”

Rey stuck her tongue out in a juvenile fashion, then climbed into the passenger seat to retrieve it. By the time she hard turned back and held her purse in her lap, the car was moving. It took another few seconds to realize it was _actually_ moving and it wasn’t just the alcohol. She looked at Ben in disbelief. “This is called kidnapping.”

“Were you always this dramatic?” He looked to her, reminded of the last time he had driven her car. He could still remember so clearly how she looked completely exhausted in the passenger seat beside him, thoroughly satisfied. Jaw clenching, he turned back to the road.

“No,” Rey grunted, buckling her seatbelt and sitting back. “It’s a recently developed trait.”

He smiled. “I don’t think that’s true. Where’s your neighborhood?”

“West Coruscant, the Naboo district.”

Ben whistled. “Nice neighborhood.”

“Yeah, well, I have a pretty good job now,” she spoke, still angry at him for more things than she could remember in the moment.

“You finally got promoted. I knew you wanted that position.”

She looked back at him, her face downturned in a grimace. “How did you know that?”

Eyebrows furrowed, he turned on the turn signal before easing the car onto another street. “We used to be friends once, you know. We talked about stuff. It wasn’t just about sleeping with you and leaving _for me_.”

His words implied that he thought that was what it was about for her. Like she hadn’t completely fell apart by trying to make sure he got the best life possible. Disgusted and ashamed that he would even consider that, Rey couldn’t gather any words. He really thought that low of her.

She turned away from him, leaning against the window. They remained silent besides Rey’s directions until they pulled up into her apartment complex. Rey quickly got out, moving around the front of the car to hold out her hand expectantly. Ben slowly gave her the keys. “Let me walk you to your door.”

“No,” she responded, leaving him by her car as she stormed off, fueled by how much she hated him in that moment.

\---

The next day at work, Rey had a massive migraine. The entire day, she just wanted to go home and sleep. Thankfully, it was a Friday, which meant that employees were able to leave whenever their work was finished instead of needing to wait until 5. She was heading home before the clock even struck 4.

When she got out of her car to go in her apartment complex, she was confused to see none other than Ben Solo standing by the entrance. “Ben?”

He looked at her, his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”

She slowed down when she neared him, still in shock. Last night had been intense, and while she was still angry at what he had said to her, more than anything, she was just tired. She was sure that emotion reflected in her voice when she sighed, asking “what are you doing here?”

The tall man before her looked a bit nervous. Something she hadn’t seen at all since they started working together. “I think it’s time we talk, don’t you?”

Rey’s eyes widened. “I don’t-“ she stopped, taking in his serious expression. Okay. He was right. “Follow me,” she said instead, opening the apartment security door and let him follow her throughout the building until she got to her door.

When she opened it, she stepped to the side to let Ben in. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a minute before motioning to the couch. “Is here fine?”

Rey nodded.

They both sat opposite of one another, waiting for the other to talk. It seemed as if he was expecting something from her, so Rey finally gave in. “I heard you graduated from Stanford. Congrats.”

“Thank you,” he replied.

She twisted her fingers together in her lap. “How were classes?”

Ben creased his eyebrows, and Rey realized that his dark hair was longer than it used to be. “Cut the bullshit, Rey. I don’t want to talk about my classes with you.”

She felt her lip curl. He really wasn’t the same Ben. Her Ben would have never spoken to her like that. “What do you want to talk about?”

Ben’s long legs spread, his elbows digging into his knees as he met her eyes. “I hated you for what you did four years ago.” Rey looked away for a moment to gather herself. Perhaps, she was not ready for this conversation. “You forced a decision on me that I didn’t want to make, you kept tabs on me, and then you had the audacity to date some fucking prick while I was away.”

Rage built inside of her. How _dare he_ get mad at her for trying to move on. “You were engaged, asshole! What, did you forget what you had said to me in that text? See you in four years?”

Ben moved to the edge of his seat, clearly just as heated. “Because you forced me to go live this perfect life that I didn’t want! I was just doing what you wanted.”

Rey scoffed, standing from her seat and spinning on him. “I didn’t want you to go get engaged, are you fucking crazy? I loved you. It broke my heart to have to hear that from Amilyn.”

Ignoring the past tense of her statement, Ben stood up with her, but maintained distance. “Then why didn’t you do anything, huh? You didn’t do or say anything, you were just going to let it happen.”

“I’m not a mind reader, Ben! Did you want me to burst in and ruin your engagement?”

“If that was how you showed you cared, then yes, Rey! I mean, fuck!” He rubbed his face, then fisted his hands before him. “I got radio silence from you for years. You didn’t call or message, or even let Amilyn tell me anything about you. You said you loved me, then hung me out to dry.”

“I _did_ love you,” she spat, sticking her finger in his chest. “It ruined me for years, Ben, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you giving up so much for me. I didn’t want to hold you back.” His words from the night before filled her mind. “And how _dare you_ accuse me of just wanting to sleep with you and leave! _You_ chased after _me_ for months, not the other way around. I slept with you because I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me.”

She knew that she had caught him off guard with that confession. “You never told me that.”

“Obviously not, since I tried to be an adult less than twelve hours later and never got to tell you how I felt.” She pulled her hand back then, no longer comfortable touching him. It just made her feel things she wouldn’t allow herself to feel anymore. “You were giving up so much for me, so I did the only thing I could to keep you from ruining your life. I removed myself from the equation.

Ben grabbed her hand from her side, holding it in his own. The contact made Rey breathless, and when she tried softly to pull back, he held fast. “But I wanted to do that, Rey. I wanted to be with the woman I loved. I didn’t need to go to fucking _Stanford_ to be happy, I would have been happy with you.”

Rey shook her head, not believing that was possible. “You would have wound up hating me.”

Ben dropped her hand, still pissed that she wasn’t getting it. Was she being willfully ignorant? “I hated you anyway! You tore my fucking heart out!”

“I’m sorry, okay!” She screamed, clutching her chest. “I’m so sorry. I thought I was helping you by eliminating myself as a possibility, and when I saw all of the wonderful things you got to do, and how happy you were with Anna, I- It’s what got me through it. Knowing that you were happy.”

She watched as the fight left him. Ben exhaled slowly, moving back to flop down on her couch. “We’re both fucking idiots, aren’t we?”

Rey followed his lead, sitting back in her chair. “You’re not, Ben. Just me,” she said sadly.

He shook his head, and she watched as his hair shook with the movement. “No, I am too. While you made a dumb decision that broke us both, I let you.”

“You couldn’t have stopped me,” she told him softly.

“No,” he agreed. “But I could have fought for you.” He looked at her, watching her intently. “I could have stayed and fought you tooth and nail.”

Rey shook her head, tears rimming her eyes. “I loved you so much.”

Ben’s hands lifted, flattening together before he held them against his lips. He wanted to comfort her. His entire body was screaming at him to hold her. But he couldn’t, could he? It wasn’t his place anymore. “I loved you too, Rey.” More than anything. He could have conquered the world for her back then.

She broke down then, tears spilling down her reddened cheeks. “This is it, isn’t it? This is our real goodbye?”

He looked away, knowing that if he continued to watch her, he’d end up crying too. She still had such a large hold on him. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me too, you know?" Jesus, he still loved her. What would she do if he told her that? Right then? Would she come running back to him? Could they forget the heartache they both put themselves through? "Goodbye, Rey," he said instead.

Rey choked a sob, rubbing at her eyes. Somehow, this hurt worse than the first time. The first time left the possibility of finding each other again, but now that they had, she knew it was no use. “Thank you, Ben. For everything.”

He stood slowly, heading to the door. Hesitating, he looked back at her, seeing she still had her back to him. She was so close. He was finally in the same room with her after four years, and yet he was leaving her behind. He had dreamed of seeing her again the entire time he was gone, and now he was breaking both of their hearts. Was he really any better than her? Didn’t they both ruin things?

Ben exhaled, relishing in the memory of her before him, before shutting the door between them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! I hope you enjoy, and if you do, you can always check out some of my other Reylo stories! Comments are always appreciated, kudos are always adored.
> 
> Thanks for going on this journey with me. :)

Rey avoided Ben like the plague for weeks after their talk. It was beyond obvious to him, though perhaps she could have just appeared as standoffish to anyone paying attention. He thought back to the time he ignored her when she moved in and wondered if this was how she felt. If it was, he felt like a dick. He had never meant to hurt her or make her feel bad back then, it had just been too much to have her so close, yet completely out of his reach. His father had never been good enough for her; Rey was something special, and Ben knew it before he even understood his own feelings for her.

Realization dawned on him then; he was not worthy of her either. Her charming smile and shy seductiveness were not meant for him. Some other man was going to come in and sweep her off her feet, and if Ben was still in this building, he’d be left with no other option but to witness it.

It felt stifling to be in the same building, seeing her in conferences and the break room, only for her to either ignore him completely, or be offered a small, pitiful smile before she denied him her gaze. Unable to bear it any longer, he applied to many jobs far, far, far away from the city she now haunted, needing to be somewhere she was not. Their close proximity made him want to say fuck it and throw himself back into the whirlwind romance they had- something that was no longer an option for him. Because of him. 

After they had decided to officially end their finicky relationship, he no longer bothered pretending to be uninterested again. Instead he took in her every movement, wanting to memorize her before he couldn’t have her anymore. Part of him wished she would glare at him, flip him off, scream; anything that would prove she still loved him. But she never did. She only smiled softly, quickening the pace of his thrumming blood until he was sure he was on the verge of cardiac arrest, and then she’d turn away. His chest ached for hours after every interaction.

She was taking this better than he was.

It had been easy to be mad when he knew that there was a chance of reconciliation. He could be angry all he wanted, something that his ex, Anna, had never understood.

“ _It’s like your head is always somewhere else, Ben. What are you thinking about?_ ” She’d ask. Sometimes, she’d wonder aloud if he even loved her. He’d stop his thoughts then, pushing Rey to the back of his mind as he comforted his girlfriend, knowing without a doubt that he was simply biding time being with her.

Rey had asked him if he had wanted her to sabotage his engagement and he had answered her honestly. He hadn’t told her, however, that Anna had been the one to propose, or how he had hesitated before agreeing. He hadn’t told her that he had called Amilyn the same night and told her, all while subtly saying “I wonder if Rey will find out,” knowing that the older woman would jump at the chance to tell her.

He hadn’t mentioned that he ended his engagement less than two weeks after it began because he spoke with Amilyn again and she told him that Rey had only said, “thanks for letting me know, but that’s not my business anymore,” and hung up. He had been so broken up that when Anna walked in their bedroom to him crying, he immediately told her everything. He apologized for using her, but it was like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. She clocked him good in the jaw, then threw her ring at him before leaving. Ben felt as if she had gone easy on him.

He hadn’t told Rey that his relationship with Anna being dismantled hurt infinitely less than knowing she didn’t care about him anymore.

The truth was that he never got over her. Never even really tried to. He checked her Facebook almost every day habitually, desperate for crumbs of information about her. It was only when she posted that picture with that douchebag Nathan that he realized she was gone for good.

After that, he blocked her. He needed to pull himself together and move on with his life. He graduated, got his degree, and found himself right back where it all started. He would be a big, fat, fucking liar if he said it was a coincidence. He had offers from all over the country, yet he sought out a position in the same city he knew she worked in.

Ironically, he hadn’t known she worked for this company, so when he saw her walk through that door and look at him like she’d seen a ghost, Ben had been just as shocked. It didn’t last long, as he let his emotions take over. He was incredibly pissed at her for what she’d done, yet she looked so beautiful in her work clothes that he had to keep catching himself while him, Miranda, and Gage walked behind her. He’d noticed every change- from the slightly softer look of her stomach, something that pleased Ben since he knew she was eating well- to the beginning of crow’s feet at the corner of her eyes. She had cut her hair shorter into a sophisticated bob. It suited her. She didn’t look any less beautiful than she did the last time he had seen her; she aged like fine wine, always leaving a pleasant taste on his tongue with every contact.

Later, he had Hux give him a second tour since he hadn’t at all been paying attention to the first one. How could he? She was right in front of him, looking like she was made for him.

When she walked him to his cubicle, he debated on what he would say to her. But he took some awful sadistic pleasure in the hurt look he caused to form on her face when he acted like nothing was wrong. He kept up that farce, stimulated by sheer mania, until his façade cracked when he stayed late after work one day.

Ben had been given a deadline of midnight and was hours away from completion, so he replaced his blood with caffeine and worked until his fingers cramped. By the time he had managed to finish, it was 7:22PM. Looking up for likely the millionth time that day, he realized that Rey’s light was still on.

Seeking any excuse to interact with her, Ben had been planning on going in to let her know he was done, despite being well aware that most people just emailed their final draft. However, when he knocked lightly on the door to no response, he opened it and saw the vulnerable position she was in. Her hands were folded beneath her head, and her mouth was slightly open as she slept deeply on her desk. Ben was pretty sure he even saw a bit of drool.

Defeated, he let himself long for her for a moment before grabbing the blanket off of the couch he had sat on not days before, wrapping it around her shoulders.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned down, placing a feather-light kiss on the crown of her head, only to jump back when she moved. She was still fast asleep, but Ben decided it was too close, so he quickly left the office and started to gather his things.

Could he really leave her like that, though? Asleep in an unlocked office where anyone could just walk in?

So, he waited.

After an hour and half, he saw movement behind her blinds. Happy that she was awake, he got his stuff and left.

He felt like shit when he told her that it hadn’t been him, even suggesting it was Hux. Where he had once took pleasure in the hurt flittering across her face, he then only felt guilt. But he still didn’t stop the act. At least, not until Valentine’s day.

Now, none of it mattered. He would leave, and she would move on. She would find someone else who would be the real best thing that ever happened to her, and she would get married, and have kids, and-

“You okay?”

Ben looked up, seeing Gage staring at him weird.

“Yes. Why?”

Gage looked down. “Dude, your hands.”

Ben followed his eyes, seeing what looked so strange. Ben had his current paperwork fisted tightly, the paper nearly torn.

Fuck.

\---

They were in their Tuesday meeting a few weeks later when she had to speak with everyone one on one to gauge their performances. Theirs went smoothly, neither one saying anything remotely unprofessional. At the end, Rey smiled tenderly to him once again, then excused him for the next person.

Ben thought about that smile the rest of the day.

\---

He was convinced she was over him. It had been nearly a month since their talk, and while he had gotten more than just a few job offers and interview requests, he couldn’t quite force himself to reply to any of them. If he left, that meant it was truly over. He would never see her again.

“Rey, are you alright?” Miranda asked in the breakroom. This time, Ben was leaned against the counter, his coffee sitting untouched in his hand.

Rey smiled softly to Miranda, glancing to Ben briefly before nodding. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” then finished topping off her coffee before leaving presumably back to her office.

He sat perfectly still for a few minutes while red flags spiked up within his mind. Without a second thought, he left his coffee on the counter entirely forgotten as he moved like a panther toward her office. The blinds were drawn, but he could see the slightest sliver of light leaking through, telling him that she was in there.

He burst through the door, closing it behind him and locking it before he strode over to her. Rey confusedly stood up. “Ben, what are you doing here?”

He didn’t answer, wrapping one hand around the back of her neck while pulling her sweet lips to his own. Rey didn’t move, unsure of what was happening, until he gripped her hair tighter and ran his tongue along the seam of her mouth. She melted into his hands then, opening up, allowing him to plunder her tongue with his own, the taste of black coffee and sweetened latte merging like fireworks between them.

Rey felt something bubbling up in her chest, but she held it down as she wrapped her arms around his tall neck, pulling herself further into him. He bit her lip, swallowing her small whimper.

When he pulled back, it was only to place his forehead on her own. “God, I missed you.”

Rey was still catching her breath, praying to god that this was not a dream. “What changed?”

“I didn’t fight for you before. I let you slip right through my fingers, and it’s my biggest regret.” He leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers before kissing her quickly. “But just then, you said ‘don’t worry about it’.” He sat in her chair, pulling her in between his legs as he watched her like one would a goddess. In a way, that’s exactly what she was to him. “I knew you were hiding how you actually felt. I knew you cared. And I realized, I’m not going to let you slip away again. I refuse.” Kissing her once more, Ben closed his eyes at the feel of her soft lips. “I’m going to make you fall back in love with me, no matter how long it takes.”

Rey searched his face then, running her delicate fingers along his the stubble the lined his jaw. “I never stopped, Ben. I’ve always been in love with you.”

The smile that washed over him made her weak. He looked so… Happy. “God, you have no idea how glad I am to hear that.” He swooped in, kissing her again as he pushed her against her desk. He stood, moving over her until she heard something fall to the floor.

“Ben!” Rey gasped, laughing as he chased her mouth. “What are you doing?”

He slid a hand along her thigh. “Making up for lost time.”

Rey’s eyes rolled back when his hand found her pussy through the thin silky cloth of her underwear. “We’re at work,” she reminded him, no real rejection behind it.

Ben nodded, kissing her collar bone. “In your locked office.”

“You locked the door?” In response, Ben’s hand pushed her underwear to the side, running along her lower lips. She moaned, tossing her head back. “Don’t you think we should talk this out a bit more?”

He ran his finger along her curls, pushing in to brush against her clit. She wasn’t wet yet, but he knew she would be. She had always gotten so wet for him. “Let me talk with my hands, okay? I want to worship you.”

Oh, she was a goner. Hauling his face back up to hers, she slanted her mouth along his own while thrusting her tongue inside. “I’m not going to last long, Ben.” It had been so long for her.

He slipped a finger into her, overwhelmed with how well she sucked him in. Rey turned her face to the ceiling, biting her lip to keep from crying out. “I’m coming over tonight and you’re going to get to be as loud as you want,” he whispered mischievously, nipping at the skin beneath her ear. It hadn’t taken long at all, she was soaked.

Rey nodded, gazing down at him as he pulled his finger out and sat back in the chair. She immediately went to his belt buckle, releasing it before moving towards his zipper. When she was able to, she reached into his pants and pulled his cock free.

“If you come over tonight,” she leaned forward, moving her underwear to the side as she slowly slid down onto him. “I’m going to suck your cock while you eat me out,” she breathed into his ear. A tremor wrecked his body, and he grabbed her ass with both hands and started pounding into her, filling the room with wonderfully lewd noises. Rey used one hand to hold her underwear, and the other to cover her mouth while he fucked her. She couldn’t believe it had been four years since the last time he had made her delirious with pleasure.

“I’m never letting you push me away again,” Ben ground out, feeling himself getting close. Watching her cute nose and flushed cheeks, he slid his arms beneath her knees, picking her up and laying her back on the desk before sliding back home. She fought hard to keep her noises at bay, but Ben relished in the few that slipped out. “Next time, if we disagree,” he pulled her face to him with one hand, wrapping it in her hair, making sure she was listening to him. “We talk it out.”

Rey nodded, wanting nothing more than his assurances in that moment. “Yes,” she croaked, arching her back like an offering.

Ben smiled at her, taking his hand from her head and putting it in between them to rub her clit in tantalizing circles. “I’m going to fuck you this good for the rest of our lives.”

Like an earthquake along the ocean floor, Rey lost control, cumming noiselessly as she continued to try and keep the friction to prolong her orgasm, her body slowly succumbing to the trembles of pleasure . “I love you,” she said quietly, still trying to hold eye contact.

Ben’s mouth opened, a deep, throaty groan escaping him. He pounded into her, his cum filling emptying inside her warmth. “God, I love you so fucking much.”

Rey beamed, still slowly moving up toward him as she kissed him. He lazily responded, kneading her ass as she drained him dry. “One of us has to quit, though,” she told him.

“I’ll get a job nearby,” he murmured, placing light kisses along her neck, astounded by the lightness of his chest. “But you have to stop staying so late. I worry what might happen to you when fall asleep in here. Just come sleep with me.” Like a cuddly bear, he pulled her from the desk and into his lap as he sat back on her office chair.

Rey lifted her head, a look of astonishment on her face. “So, it _was_ you!”

He grinned up at her, running his hands up her back before planting a fat kiss on her shocked face. “Guilty.”

She rolled her eyes, leaning back into him to snuggle into his chest. After a few moments of just listening to the other breathe, Rey wanted to get something off of her chest. “I only started dating Nathan because he was everything that you weren’t.” When he held her tighter, she continued. “I had thought that by doing that, it would help me get over you. Instead, it just made me realize that you were everything I ever needed.”

Her words made him realize just how ridiculously hopeless they both were. Laughing at the irony, he told her about Anna. “I never loved her, not romantically anyway. I knew you kept up with me, and I think I was hoping that if I got with someone, it would force you to talk to me.”

Rey sat back, running her thumb along his stubble. “A bit manipulative, don’t you think?”

Shrugging, he ignored the friction she caused by moving on his lap. “I can’t deny that. What I did was awful, and I hate that I hurt her, but if I had the option to do everything over again, I’d do it all in a heartbeat to end up right here, right now, with you.”

“We’re pretty fucked up, aren’t we?” She asked quietly.

Ben smiled. “Well at least you got the ‘pretty’ part right.” Rey pinched his arm, making him bounce in the chair. The smile dropped from his face, and like the mind reading vixen she was, she lifted up, grasping his length before dropping down gracelessly onto his cock once more. Ben bucked beneath her, the action had her gasping, feeling him growing harder inside of her. “Do you think we have time for round two?”

Rey looked to the clock, enjoying the deep breath her took when she clenched above him. “Fourteen minutes?” She ground her hips, kissing him when he opened his mouth to groan. “Absolutely.”

\---

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

Rey looked at the beautiful, tall, sweet, incredible man from where she stood in the bathroom wearing nothing but his old Henley. She had just peed and cleaned up after a rather rough round of lovemaking. “Do you think we would be this happy if we had stayed together the entire time?”

Ben’s once happy expression turned thoughtful.

Personally, Rey had thought about it often. Had being apart made them realize just how badly they longed to be together, or would they have been better off if she hadn’t been an asshole and forced him to do something he didn’t want to?

Ben rolled over on the bed, the blanket doing little to preserve his modesty as he watched the way the dim bathroom light made the bare skin of her thighs glow with heavy eyes. Seeing her in his clothes still had the ability to make him swoon. “Why? Thinking about leaving me again so we can come back together in a passionate explosion of sex in a few years?”

“Ben.” Rey walked up, standing before him. “Sit up.”

He did so immediately, the humor leaving his face.

“Do you think we’d be this happy?” She asked again, her voice serious.

Ben considered it, his head cocking to the side. “I think that I’d be happy no matter what if I was with you, whether that be in this reality or the one where you hadn’t left.” He leaned forward, pressing a featherlight kiss to her stomach. “Might have gotten you pregnant sooner in that one, though,” he said, frowning.

Playfully shoving him back, Rey climbed on top of him to curl up in his arms. “I’m thirty-five, Ben. We have time.”

He rolled her over, laying her out on the bed while kissing at her neck and chest. She giggled boisterously, swatting at him gently as he ravished her.

“I don’t want time,” Ben grumbled, stopping to plant a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I want a little baby with your good looks and my good hair.”

Rey stuck her tongue out. “I hope they have your ears.”

Feigning offense, his hands found her sides, making her fight half heartedly to escape the tickling. “Oh yeah? Is that right? You’d be lucky to have a tiny kid with ears capable of flight like mine, baby.”

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Rey laughed boisterously. “Ben, stop! No, please! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?”

Suddenly, his hands were gone from her sides, now pressed to either side of her head. When Rey was capable of seeing with clear vision once more, she found his own eyes watching her intently like he does often. It always made her feel invincible. She knew she likely looked at him the same way.

Catching his head in her hands, she continued to hold his eyes as she took him in. His moles, his nose, his lips, his ears. She loved everything about him so much, it still tended to overwhelm her. Slowly, she languidly kissed him, letting her mind wander. She wouldn’t mind having a few kids with him. She had no doubt he’d be the world’s best father, and while she wasn’t even remotely ashamed of their relationship, she figured they might want to wait until the kids are older to tell them how they met.

Rey released him, pulling back to watch the beautiful man slowly open his eyes. “I still can’t believe you picked me. Out of everyone, _I’m_ the one you chose. It boggles my mind.”

Ben placed his large palm over her smaller hand on his skin, his index finger playing with the ring that had been there for a little over a year. “You don’t get it, do you? There was never any other option.”


End file.
